alias_sqbr

I have recently found myself bouncing off of stories about characters who have a single, set gender. Which is unfortunate, since that covers 99.99% of stories, even the few about non-binary characters.

So! Rec me stories with at least one mainish character whose gender is blurry or shifting, especially if they actively enjoy presenting in multiple ways and describing themselves as different genders. General queerness and deliberate trans inclusion is a plus, but the character themself doesn't have to be being written as non-binary on purpose. I specifically like stories where gender roles are in general treated as things people can take on and personify temporarily at will, regardless of their underlying gender, especially when the edges of those roles shift and blur.

It's fine if you're not 100% sure if your rec is quite what I want. I'm still figuring out what I want, so more recs are always good, even if only to help me figure out what I don't want.

Content note: I talk about certain real gender identities "not working for me" which might feel jarring if it's your actual real life identity. I just mean in the context of fictional characters who hit this one specific gender button for me. Even other genderfluid people may feel differently!
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I experimented with binding my chest with k-tape/kinesiology tape and skin prep spray. It went ok, even with my large chest and sensitive skin.

Content note: I'm not going to go into extreme detail but it's still about boobs. I'd normally lock this sort of stuff under a filter but this might be useful to others.
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Give me art prompts including at least one character you see as non-binary!

By non-binary I mean: their gender is not completely and exclusively male or female. All sorts of non-binary are welcome, including non-binary women and non-binary men.

By non-binary character I mean: original non-binary characters, characters who identify as non-binary in canon, and any character you think would go "yeah, that's me" if the concept of being non-binary was explained to them. It doesn't have to be your only head-canon for them, and you don't have to justify it, as long as it's something you feel sincerely.

I'd rather prompts from binary gendered folk not focus on gender or presentation, and avoid aliens/robots etc for whom human gender is irrelevant.

Image references are appreciated for original characters or those who are hard to look up. Please no: zombies, incest, or porn. Also, no non-binary headcanons for characters who are a binary trans man or woman in canon.

If you're having a mental blank here's a place to start.

Based on a dream, after trying to get my head around Chinese and Japanese name usage, and vaguely inspired by Stars In My Pocket Like Grains Of Sand.

A society doesn't gender anyone by default, in formal language. Gendered terms like "she" or "daughter" exist, but are only used for someone the speaker is on close personal terms with. Using gendered words/pronouns for someone is vaguely equivalent to using someone's given name in Japanese, switching to informal pronouns in German/French etc. Except without the "you can refer to subordinates informally" thing.

Or maybe with that, depending on whether you want to make a less ungendered society or one that's just as gendered as ours but in a different way.

Because I found the ungenderedness of the Radch interesting but the idea of No-one Having Gender made me a bit dysphoric, and I've been pondering how you could have a society that doesn't gender by default but still HAS gender.

It's possible I've seen this elsewhere and forgot!

EDIT: Comments have made me realise I was being a bit lazy with my thinking. There's really two related ideas here:
1) a language where gendered terms are only used for those you're close to etc.
2) a society where people are not treated as having any particular gender unless you're close to them etc.

A society like 2 would plausibly use a language like 1 (or a language that doesn't gender anyone at all), but a language like 1 would not necessarily imply a society like 2.

Me: I wonder if there's any unisex or masculine names with the same meaning as "Sophie" in Old English or something.
Behindthename.com: Frodo
Me, a short hairy person eating second breakfast: ...

(Despite it technically fitting my criteria, I am not changing my name to Frodo. Or "Wisdom", for that matter)

EDIT: So! People's comments on this post got me to make a locked post of all the names I've pondered (locked since some involve my last name) And that got me to poke at Behindthename some more and go "...Sean??? Maybe????". So, that's where I'm at right now :D :D Not that Frodo wouldn't have been cool in it's own way.

Honestly not sure I'll stick to it, and if you slip up and refer to me as "she" I won't be destroyed (unless I thought you were doing it out of pig headedness or something) But I feel like it's something I need to try out and see if it fits.

If the usage confuses you: it's like if I was a person of unknown gender. Which, being genderfluid, I kind of am! "Can you ask Sophie if they are ready for dinner?" etc.

So! I've been vaguely poking at a broader range of gender presentations.

I was recced Saint Harridan and a few other places, and they are all fantastic at what they do, and gave me food for thought. But I've realised one problem with all the "masculine and androgenous presentation for afab people" discussions and shops etc I've seen is that they're too tasteful. All understated and unobtrusive and sensible. Fine for the people who like that! But not for me. I already often wear unisex/masculine clothes when I want to dress in a sensible, unobtrusive way. And if I'm going to get fancy I want something more flamboyant.

( Discussion of my body shape as it relates to my desired gender presentation. Then links to pretty clothes )

I found this post on emotional labour and the metafilter post it grew from really interesting, I'm still poking at the comments. Aside from the obvious take away of "if you're a woman don't date men" haha (which doesn't neccesarily mean don't date, metafilter commenters) it got me thinking about the place of emotional labour in my own life.

Being disabled has vastly cut down on my ability to do a lot of stuff, emotional labour included. I found presents increasingly stressful so just stopped doing them. Most of my friendships have gotten more distant and I don't see my family as much. But looking back I've always felt really guilty at being bad at certain kinds of emotional labour(*), I'm this weird mix of extrovert and...socially anxious or something (I've intermittently suspected myself of being on the autism spectrum) I tend to feel like it should just be ~natural and spontaneous~ and worthwhile in it's own right. I should just want to spend time with people because I am good and caring, and wanting to spend time with them means I will want to do the things that leads to it: sending cards and presents, making phone calls etc. And most of the time I don't want to do those things, I find them stressful and difficult and often unrewarding, even when in the long run I really like the person and enjoy their company. And I feel bad about that, and that bad feeling just makes everything more fraught.

But thinking of it as work is helpful. A friendly interaction doesn't have to be fun in it's own right, it's ok to think of it in cold/meta "I have not spoken to X person in a while, and I like them, I should maintain the friendship, what is the most efficient way to do that?" terms.

So I sent out short friendly texts to a few people I wish to better maintain friendships with! And it did make me happy, but it also made me stressed, so in and of itself I'm not sure it was a net positive experience. But two of them replied and we organised to hang out/skype and that made me (and hopefully them!) very happy. Hmm!

I'm finding it useful when approaching my inbox too. Like a lot of people I get overwhelmed by guilt about neglected correspondence, and thinking about replies in terms of what I want to achieve with them is making them less scary, especially when I remind myself that replying at all sends a positive message. But that it's ok to not reply sometimes, because it's work and I only have limited energy.

(the post has also got me thinking about the same gender related issues everyone else has been talking about, but I have nothing new to add there)

(*)I'm really good at other kinds, in that typical female-socialised way. And of course I'm sure that same socialisation is a big part of why I feel defective for not being good at other kinds.

A piece of paper came out of my notebook around here, so I'm not 100% sure where one panel ends and the next begins.

Everyone Games: Creating Inclusive Gaming Communities
Ethan Lesh [Founder, Melbourne Gaymers], Alice Clarke [Diversity Lounge Co-Curator, PAX], Joshua Meadows [Co-Organiser, Sydney Gaymers], Jayden Williams [Writer, MMGN], Ashley Zeldin [Independent Developer, Adorkable Games/IGDA Los Angeles]
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Last one! I put all the remaining serious-ish topics together. Homestuck panel notes to appear once I have them tidied up!

EDIT: Do not trust the recs. They are a VERY mixed bag.

( Queer women in sff )
( Happy Queer Sff )
( Gender Ambiguity in pop culture )
( Why we like misery and violence in fiction )
( Matriarchies )