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alias_sqbrImagine you join a discord (or other similar online group social space with rules and moderators) which has this rule: you're not allowed to say anything too self-deprecating. If you do, you must say three nice things about yourself.
The discord otherwise seems appealing.
Asking because I have seen people reblog this tumblr post mentioning such a rule positively, and I also once encountered this rule on what I think was a separate discord (rather than being for a group of friends it was for a fandom that poster does not appear to be interested in) So it seems a non-negligible number of people are cool with such rules.
But my reaction is very negative, and I'm curious to find out how unusual that is. Thus, a poll! I also just want to get across that some people are seriously troubled by such rules, but am genuinely unsure how that compares to the number who would significantly benefit from them.
Note: I'm not asking about variants like self deprecation being discouraged but there's no actual consequences, or whether you find this kind of rule helpful to enforce inside your own head or in other very different kinds of social situations. Nor am I distinguishing between how you would feel about the rule being applied to you, versus your assumptions about a space that has such a rule. If you have different feelings about Discord versus other social spaces, just answer for Discord.
Just: would encountering this specific rule in a real discord overall feel like a positive thing or a negative thing.
So! I picked "NOPE that's a dealbreaker". Because while I'm not usually prone to extreme self deprecation, I have the occasional mental health spiral where I am incapable of not saying negative things, and it would be very harmful for me in that mindset to be told off for expressing these negative feelings and forced to publicly say something positive, no matter how kindly/cheerfully this was done. And from past experience, other people are incredibly bad at noticing when I'm feeling emotionally fragile, even friends. So even if there was supposed to be an exception for people who needed it, I wouldn't trust anyone to recognise that it applied, and I wouldn't be able to express that need in the moment. Also just... being aware of the rule existing makes me incredibly anxious, it feels like my mental health issues make me automatically fail at the rules of the social space.
If a friend invited me to a server with this rule I would explain why it doesn't work for me and maybe we could figure something out. I can see it working for a small group of friends who understand each other's emotional needs. But the discord I encountered this rule in was full of strangers, so I just had an anxiety attack about saying something then silently left. Which I am sure was not the intended reaction!
I do know I'm not unique in being put off, since I asked a a friend and they also thought it sounded excruciating. But "me and my friend" is an even less representative sample than a dreamwidth poll. I was going to post on tumblr but ehhh there could be Reblogs With Discourse and I'm tired. Maybe once you've all had a chance to point out any issues.
The discord otherwise seems appealing.
Poll #30044 Discord/forum rule against self depreciation
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 40
How would you feel about the rule?
Very positive!
2 (5.0%)
Mildly positive
4 (10.0%)
Neutral/mixed/depends significantly on context
18 (45.0%)
Overall negative but I can probably live with it
10 (25.0%)
NOPE that's a dealbreaker
6 (15.0%)
I never use that kind of site/otherwise can't answer
2 (5.0%)
Asking because I have seen people reblog this tumblr post mentioning such a rule positively, and I also once encountered this rule on what I think was a separate discord (rather than being for a group of friends it was for a fandom that poster does not appear to be interested in) So it seems a non-negligible number of people are cool with such rules.
But my reaction is very negative, and I'm curious to find out how unusual that is. Thus, a poll! I also just want to get across that some people are seriously troubled by such rules, but am genuinely unsure how that compares to the number who would significantly benefit from them.
Note: I'm not asking about variants like self deprecation being discouraged but there's no actual consequences, or whether you find this kind of rule helpful to enforce inside your own head or in other very different kinds of social situations. Nor am I distinguishing between how you would feel about the rule being applied to you, versus your assumptions about a space that has such a rule. If you have different feelings about Discord versus other social spaces, just answer for Discord.
Just: would encountering this specific rule in a real discord overall feel like a positive thing or a negative thing.
So! I picked "NOPE that's a dealbreaker". Because while I'm not usually prone to extreme self deprecation, I have the occasional mental health spiral where I am incapable of not saying negative things, and it would be very harmful for me in that mindset to be told off for expressing these negative feelings and forced to publicly say something positive, no matter how kindly/cheerfully this was done. And from past experience, other people are incredibly bad at noticing when I'm feeling emotionally fragile, even friends. So even if there was supposed to be an exception for people who needed it, I wouldn't trust anyone to recognise that it applied, and I wouldn't be able to express that need in the moment. Also just... being aware of the rule existing makes me incredibly anxious, it feels like my mental health issues make me automatically fail at the rules of the social space.
If a friend invited me to a server with this rule I would explain why it doesn't work for me and maybe we could figure something out. I can see it working for a small group of friends who understand each other's emotional needs. But the discord I encountered this rule in was full of strangers, so I just had an anxiety attack about saying something then silently left. Which I am sure was not the intended reaction!
I do know I'm not unique in being put off, since I asked a a friend and they also thought it sounded excruciating. But "me and my friend" is an even less representative sample than a dreamwidth poll. I was going to post on tumblr but ehhh there could be Reblogs With Discourse and I'm tired. Maybe once you've all had a chance to point out any issues.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-30 06:36 am (UTC)Yeah, it would not at all suit me (or from the sounds of things many other people), so I don't think it should be used on broad public servers, but I can see it being a nice thing for small servers where everyone's on board.