Small moment of self realisation
Mar. 10th, 2018 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alias_sqbrThe result of reading other people's posts and conversations with other people etc.
1) I am deep down convinced that I am super boring, but the evidence of people's reactions to me does not support this. Having now looked that issue in the face properly I think I'll be better at recognising when it's affecting me.
2) The reason I am convinced of this is that I am by nature cautious, logical, rule obeying, and emotionally restrained, due to a mix of personality, anxiety and [autism??]. Children and teenagers dislike these personality traits, and tended not to like me very much, thinking I was boring and uptight.
3) Adults love these traits, at least by comparison. Which means that as I've gotten older, social situations have gotten easier not just because I've developed better social skills (though I have), but because the expectations became more the sort I am naturally suited to.
I think this also partly explains why I enjoy being an adult SO much more than I did being a kid. Even before you add the specific bad experiences I had with bullying etc, the world of children and teens is confusing, illogical, emotionally intense, and offers very little control over your own circumstances. This did not add up to a good time for me.
1) I am deep down convinced that I am super boring, but the evidence of people's reactions to me does not support this. Having now looked that issue in the face properly I think I'll be better at recognising when it's affecting me.
2) The reason I am convinced of this is that I am by nature cautious, logical, rule obeying, and emotionally restrained, due to a mix of personality, anxiety and [autism??]. Children and teenagers dislike these personality traits, and tended not to like me very much, thinking I was boring and uptight.
3) Adults love these traits, at least by comparison. Which means that as I've gotten older, social situations have gotten easier not just because I've developed better social skills (though I have), but because the expectations became more the sort I am naturally suited to.
I think this also partly explains why I enjoy being an adult SO much more than I did being a kid. Even before you add the specific bad experiences I had with bullying etc, the world of children and teens is confusing, illogical, emotionally intense, and offers very little control over your own circumstances. This did not add up to a good time for me.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-10 11:30 am (UTC)Also randomly but I cannot hang around super boring people, like I am literally unable to be that nice. Heh. So if you ever start to feel that way around me you can bring it up and I can be like 'I am not that nice' and then maybe you can wonder why you're hanging around me lol <3
And in the meantime, the world of children/teenagers is utterly bewildering like you say, but to add in bullying on top of that just... ugh. :(
no subject
Date: 2018-05-27 04:08 pm (UTC)This comment made me so incoherently happy and blushy I was unable to reply and it sank into my inbox but: thank you <3