Small moment of self realisation

[alias_sqbr]

The result of reading other people's posts and conversations with other people etc.

1) I am deep down convinced that I am super boring, but the evidence of people's reactions to me does not support this. Having now looked that issue in the face properly I think I'll be better at recognising when it's affecting me.

2) The reason I am convinced of this is that I am by nature cautious, logical, rule obeying, and emotionally restrained, due to a mix of personality, anxiety and [autism??]. Children and teenagers dislike these personality traits, and tended not to like me very much, thinking I was boring and uptight.

3) Adults love these traits, at least by comparison. Which means that as I've gotten older, social situations have gotten easier not just because I've developed better social skills (though I have), but because the expectations became more the sort I am naturally suited to.

I think this also partly explains why I enjoy being an adult SO much more than I did being a kid. Even before you add the specific bad experiences I had with bullying etc, the world of children and teens is confusing, illogical, emotionally intense, and offers very little control over your own circumstances. This did not add up to a good time for me.

Comments

[lilysea]

I really like talking to you about
- books
- TV shows
- films
- computer games
- Disability stuff
- chronic illness stuff
- other stuff

I like your
- snarky sense of humour
- insight
- analysis
- supportive remarks
- other stuff

(this is by no means a complete list because I'm very tired.)

[alias_sqbr]

Eee, thank you :)

[fred_mouse]

There is also the aspect that as a child, you had minimal ability to self-select the people you would associate with to people who would appreciate you -- as you are older, you have found the people that make sense. Certainly, this is my experience. I'm reminded of this repeatedly with current co-worker, who is lovely, and we can chat about anything, except that they really really can't follow the way my brain goes sideways, which is a real problem when trying to teach them how to use the thing that I'm modifying that they are going to be responsible for later.

[alias_sqbr]

Yes, this definitely affects things as well. Unisfa was a revelation, so many other awkward nerds :D

[fred_mouse]

<3

The awkward nerds were very valuable to me too.

[winterbird]

I would also add that you can be charming and mischievous, witty and eloquent, and very expressive (but I don't think we're very good at emotional restraint sometimes lol), and those are things I also love about you in amongst the many other things.

Also randomly but I cannot hang around super boring people, like I am literally unable to be that nice. Heh. So if you ever start to feel that way around me you can bring it up and I can be like 'I am not that nice' and then maybe you can wonder why you're hanging around me lol <3

And in the meantime, the world of children/teenagers is utterly bewildering like you say, but to add in bullying on top of that just... ugh. :(

[alias_sqbr]

This comment made me so incoherently happy and blushy I was unable to reply and it sank into my inbox but: thank you <3

[jesse_the_k]

Seems like people get two kinds of childhoods: parenting complete with love and guidance, or a shit show. Perhaps DW-style blogging feels more appropriate for the latter group, where we both fall?

I have unpleasant things to express, which the granular privacy levels here enable. FB and Twitter seem to be more about performing adulthood with verve & style.

I like your insights into groups, politics, fandom. Also, A++ snark.

[alias_sqbr]

Ha, see, the problem with my parents is they were great with the love but terrible with the guidance. They never made me feel boring to them, but responded to me being bullied with "I'm so sorry social situations are so inherently terrifying and confusing, I wish there was something any of us could do about it".

And thank you :)