JackJeanne: Kokuto Neji
Sep. 27th, 2024 08:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I had SUCH mixed feelings about this route. Some parts worked really well, other parts were Interestingly Flawed, and others were just... REALLY DUMB AND IRRITATING.
I went in thinking he was cheerfully bi and androgynous but bad at sexual boundaries, and quickly realised he is a whole OTHER kind of mess.
Overall the central problem with this route is that classic romance trope where the male love interest has a specific trauma response which is designed to be a believable angsty impediment to the relationship, but can also believably be fixed by the Power of Love. The trauma itself was believable and handled reasonably well in a "trauma healed by the power of love and friendship" sorta way, but his trauma response was a mixture of effective and VERY SILLY AND ALSO SEXIST that kept throwing me out of the story.
Also the narrative leaned a little too hard onto what an INCREDIBLE genius Neji is, and Kisa was a little too passive for my tastes. But they do have some great romantic scenes.
The rollercoaster of "this feels aggressively queer"/"this feels aggressively cishet" was pretty intense on this route. I kinda feel like Neji was intentionally written as implicitly attracted to men, and accidentally written with trans vibes, but god knows.
Content note: suicide, Unfortunate Gender Shit, mild dubcon, mental health problems handled in a well meaning but flawed way
Haa, so. With Fumi and Neji I was wondering how much their joke-flirting to fluster the freshman would ramp up towards dubcon in the romance.
Fumi did the opposite, most of the time, flirting intensely and sincerely on actual dates etc but otherwise being solidly a Good Sempai.
Neji's first route scene, which I'd already seen, starts with him throwing Kisa into a roleplaying scenario with no explanation, accusing Kisa of "sleeping with my husband". Afterwards he says she did a good job of playing a lover and hugs her with delight at how much fun she is to improvise with.
Also in general he constantly railroads people's boundaries and pushes them past their natural limits, for his own amusement and because he's (usually correctly) convinced it's for their own good or the good of the ART.
So I was a little worried where his second scene was going when he invited her to sneak into the empty theatre with him.
He did a whole complex performance, playing every part, about an eccentric and dictatorial director who falls in love with a seductive and menacing actress who absorbs his creativity until he dies, mourned by his young son. Kisa realises that even though Neji always plays bit parts, he's capable of playing anything, from a Jack to a Jeanne to a child.
He asks Kisa for feedback and she gives it in detail.
Neji: Hearing you go into so much detail makes me feel like you're stripping me nude! You're so horny! What are you intending, you want to sleep with me?!
Kisa: NO??
Neji: So you're NOT going to sleep with me after setting me in motion?!
Kisa: Uh?!
Neji: Being with you makes me brain tingle :D I will write this play down with your feedback added.
Kisa: You never keep coming up with ideas do you?
Neji: You never know when your creativity will run dry... Anyway, thanks! See you next time!
Kisa: Huh, he sounds like that director... WAIT. NEJI, HOW DO I LOCK THE DOOR???
I got the vibe he was worried Something would destroy his creativity, for a while I thought it might be chronic illness.
Neji: Fumi and Kai got together to berate me for pushing you too far. I have a tendency to put talent first and disregard the suffering. Just consider me being reckless with you a sign I want to interact with your talent. Though there are surely times I'm being reckless for no reason ahahaha! Don't tell them I said that they're scary when they get mad >.>
Fumi pushes Kisa hard on his route, but that felt more like "the kind of person who wants to date Fumi is also an ambitious workaholic". Neji is like that to everyone. But he does genuinely care, too, and will stop and help anyone he notices is struggling.
I can see Kai being pretty restful by comparison haha. He's always telling Neji and Fumi to be nicer to the freshers.
Joke flirting aside, Neji seems to have kohai-zoned Kisa in a way Fumi or Mitsuki didn't, I'm finishing up play 2 and the most overt sincere interest he's expressed is saying something Kisa did was cute. Unlike Fumi and Mitsuki there's no obvious sign on the common route that he ever figures out she's a girl, and a few signs pretty late in the game implying he hasn't yet. So I'm curious to see where this goes, will he express ambiguous confused Intense Friendship like Mitsuki? At this point they don't even feel like proper friends, they obviously like each other a lot but Neji tends to keep everyone at a bit of a distance and Kisa lacks Fumi's history with him and willingness to bully Neji into sincerity (I kinda ship Fumi/Neji, lonely bisexual androgynous geniuses that they are).
Neji, in his character's over the top older woman's voice: Hello there handsome boy. Have a chat with me? You're the only one who understands me. *in his normal voice* You really are.
Aww.
He goes on a little spiel about how people try and force everyone and everything into familiar shapes that they understand. "I wonder what sort of shape you are. At the same time, I hope I never figure it out. Like an endlessly flowing fountain, clear but ever changing... why my thirst can be quenched."
...yeah ok that's pretty shippy, while still plausibly platonic. I can deal with more of that!
Neji's third route scene!
Neji: Kisa! Come out with me!
Me: Aw.
Kisa: (Hmm. He's always pushy, but he seems different today, what's going on?)
Neji: I can tell you're taking off the negligee dressing of my soul so that you can touch my delicate skin with your mind!
Kisa: No??
Neji: I am going to buy us some train tickets. You buy us a flower!
He sits quietly looking out the window until they reach the ocean, and then he throws it into the waves.
HIS FATHER WAS A PLAYWRIGHT WHO KILLED HIMSELF IN THE OCEAN WHEN HE RAN OUT OF IDEAS. THAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR THE PLAY BEFORE.
Neji explains how he was inspired by his father to join the theatre too, but eventually realised all his father's long hours away from home weren't just spent acting, but on an affair with an actress. Neji was more upset by the fact his father then drifted away from theatre, ran out of ideas, and then 'sank into the sea'.
Oh god and now Neji's scared of women? He feels like if he ever gets a girlfriend he'll lose his creativity, like his father, which is why he joined the world of all-male theatre.
NEJI. WTF.
Kisa: So if he ever finds out I'm a girl... D:
This is very dumb. I refuse to see this guy as a straight cis dude. He's just a self hating and repressed non-binary bisexual. Also Kisa you should not just uncritically go "Oh if Neji hates women then me being a girl is bad, poor Neji".
As I edit: I've been poking at this like a sore tooth for days, especially after reading a few reviews of his route, all of which were entirely positive and didn't bring up the weird gender stuff at all. And I guess... it probably seems less ridiculous if you interpret "scared of women" as "scared of love and relationships, and also resentful of women, and (seeing himself as) straight so he conflates the two". But for that to work for me it would have had to be unpacked way more.
Lol, yes, you opened up to her because she's so attractive 'as a performer', sure.
I'm just thinking back over all the times I thought he was being too blase about pushing first-years to act out sexual/romantic scenes, and I'm going ohhh.... it genuinely doesn't occur to him that anyone could read it as sincerely sexual. Even when Sou was BLATANTLY into Kisa and felt weird about the quasi-sex scene Neji's like haha well just get over it. Because they're both BOYS it's FINE. And he is one of the slowest to realise she's a girl despite being generally very smart and observant. And all those sex jokes are just... the product of a very repressed mind. IT'S FINE THEY'RE ALL MEN.
I'm still not entirely sure this is the INTENDED reading. But it's sure the one I'm going with for now!
Haaa during the summer camp training exercise he specifically sets things up so he is the androgynous Jeanne to Kisa's Jack.
Neji: What are you doing all curled up alone in such a big hot spring? With so much space, you should dance! Like this!
Kisa: Ahhhh D: (In the CG he is wearing a towel but I'm guessing in-universe she was stuck with a naked dancing Neji)
Neji: Maybe we should scrub each others backs to cement our bond as sempai and kohai :)
Kisa: Back off or I'll tell Fumi and Mitsuki >:(
Neji: I wasn't really going to make you scrub my back! But that was a great embarrassed Jeanne act :)
Kisa: It wasn't an act >:(
Neji: Let big brother treat you to lunch ;)
Kisa: In... the free cafeteria?
Neji: Come now! Play the cute little Jeanne being doted on!
Yeah ok I think this game has some idea what it's doing.
Neji: Did me thinking about you summon you... Come with me to this cafe, there's something I need to tell you.
Kisa: Yes?
Neji: I LOVE YOU!!! I've been thinking about my feelings ever since we went to the ocean, and that's the only way to describe it!
Kisa: N-neji? In public? Is this one of your dramas?
Customer 1: They're doing this in public??
Customer 2: Two guys! Hot!
Neji: No! I love you! I love... your talent!!
Me and Kisa: Ah.
Neji: Your ingenious eyes constantly watch the stage, and if something is amiss you will sacrifice your own flesh and blood! And yet you respect others so much you can't see how talented you are! So I will continue to seduce your talent until you realise the talent you hold! If your talent had a physical form I would embrace it and shower it with kisses!! If you were a girl I would ask for your hand in marriage! But then I might lose my talent like my father... luckily you're a guy! Kisa?
Kisa: Sorry I was just... daydreaming a bit...
(nb he uses the most intense, unambiguously romantic way of saying "I love you", "aishiteru")
Kisa: Ah, Neji is having a conversation with the Al Jeanne of Rhodonite and Jack Ace of Onyx.
Me: Are they having an intervention where they slowly explain the concept of being queer to him with diagrams.
AHHHHH
So. Neji is very subdued and polite around Chui, making it hard to tell what he's thinking. But when he sees them dancing, he says Kisa was "exuding raw femininity" rather than, like everyone else, saying she looked 'like a girl'.
Neji: I know you've realised what you need for this role is to be more feminine. But you seem blocked. I hope you know I believe in your ability to play this part.
Kisa: I know. I'm sorry.
Neji: Which is why I've decided to draw the femininity out of you myself. With the usual drama scenes. I want you to play the woman. I'll play the man. This guy will be driven by lust to seduce you.
Kisa: Huh...??
Neji: You can fight me if you want :)
And then he gets ALL up in her business and whispers "My sweet love. I've expressed myself with all my heart. But you still don't look at me or believe what I have to say. I'm sure you think this is all an act. Which is why I won't rely on words any more. I will use my body to convey my feelings...
Kisa: Neji!!
Neji: Call me Kokuto. I've been so jealous of those you call by their given name. Kisa...
And then the choices are "Accept his kiss" and "fight back". And I mean OBVIOUSLY FIGHT BACK this isn't my first day at the otome rodeo but WOW OK THEN
Oh boy but the walkthrough says to accept his kiss!!
Neji: You're not going to run away? Do you think I'm bluffing?
Kisa: Not at all. I also don't know how far you're going to go. But I won't reject you, Neji.
He gasps and pulls away.
Neji: What was that? What did you do to me. It can't be... HAHA THAT WAS CLOSE. ANOTHER SECOND AND I'D HAVE TAKEN YOUR CLOTHES OFF! HEY MR POLICEMAN? I'M HERE! I DID THAT!! Wow I always suspected I had no morals... hahaha I bet it was traumatic having another guy shoving you around! How about we call it even with a punch?
I kinda did want to punch him but Kisa wouldn't, so. "Forgiving me is only going to deepen the colour of my sins" was a pretty great response. Afterwards we see him in his room muttering "No, it can't be..."
That was sure SOMETHING. I was maybe a little into it >.>
Going into this I kinda saw Chui as Neji's abusive ex, but I think it makes more sense if Chui saw it as a purely artistic thing and was his standard level of indifferent demanding cruelty, but Neji had feelings which Chui was Not Very Nice About. Like, sure we can kiss if it helps the art, lol no I am not your boyfriend.
Thinking over Neji's gay 'jokes' he seems strongly drawn to big beefy guys like Kai and Suzu (and Chui /o\) Though he is sure enthusiastic about having him, Mitsuki and Kisa dressed in the sexiest most revealing costumes he can get away with (Mitsuki's reaction to this is not shown lol)
He sure writes a lot of stories and songs about the sea as a place of death-like escape.
I was feeling a little sad he didn't have any real songs with Kisa outside of ensembles but then it occurred to me that he wrote all the songs, so every song with Kisa in it is a song with him and Kisa. I had Feelings during the femslashy duet, yeah I'm sure Shippy Platonic Friendship does seem like the ideal to you right now Neji!
The winter play is very weird in the context of his route: everyone in love with Kisa's character, who is scantily dressed, sexualised and slut-shamed, and then Neji himself plays an evil slut who seduces away Mitsuki's character's father. Like I always felt like Neji's plays had Issues with Women but... ok then.
Mitsuki confronting Neji about playing his character as a one dimensional villain instead of a person with feelings, and Neji going oh... she would pity the child whose life she ruined, and the child would just hate it for her more... He and Kisa have a little conversation about it, since he knows she would recognise the context.
During the play he is just quietly struck by how sad and beautiful Kisa is. I'm not sure if he's figured it out but he seems on the cusp of something. He says she changes herself to match whoever she's performing against, even him, but he still hasn't seen the true her.
haaaaaaa started his route and she goes to invite him to hang out for Christmas day. He speaks in a very calm, sincere tone, but describes it as judgement day.
Neji: You were amazing as Chichi. I'm sorry I came up with such a weird way to try and make you be more feminine when you managed it on your own. But... I need to check something. Can we act out a similar scene. I'll be the man, and you be the woman.
Kisa: UH
Neji: Seduce me. As a woman.
Kisa: ...I guess I have no choice...
Me: I feel like you do, Kisa, but sure.
Kisa, softly: I love you.
Neji: Don't give me a glass of water when I'm dying of thirst, I want to drown!
Kisa, leaning close: (I'm no good with physical affection. I still know how to be a woman, since I just played Chichi. But I have no idea how a woman would seduce a man) Kokuto. Say my name. (I've complied with his every demand. I want to show him what I'm made of after all that he's done) Let me kiss you (I'll do anything for him!)
[I think they kiss here but it's ambiguous]
Neji: ..ahh...
Neji: You're a girl. I'm a fool. I wrote Chichi as a Jeanne, but what I saw on stage was a beautiful woman. And when I checked just now... what I felt from you was the love of a girl.
Kisa: I'm so sorry :(
Neji: Don't worry! I'll graduate soon, and your identity will stay a secret. I'm a pretty good actor you know? You just take a break and I'll get back to working on the next play.
Kisa: (Ah, he's rejecting me...) Goodbye, Neji :(
Neji: She was a girl the whole time... acting, making friends, like any other student, and noone noticed? Oh, but no wonder she was so stressed playing Chichi! Did I write that subconsciously? Her talent got her through, but she was still crying, pushing herself for Quartz... I need to write the play! But how must she be feeling after that conversation... I'll talk to her after I'm done with my writing.
Kisa meanwhile has ONLY JUST realised she has feelings for him. Blah blah obviously it's her 'feminine side' which must have the romantic feelings SURE WHATEVER GAME
He avoids everyone for a while, then invites her out and is his usual friendly self, if slightly more subdued than usual.
Neji: What would you do if your brain refused to let you act?
Kisa: I'd keep trying.
Neji: Yes, you have the willpower to look at things in a good light. Ah, it's no good, the more I talk to you the more it feels like I'm melting away. Well, bye!
I have decided it's not Neji I'm pissed off at but this story. It's so DUMB.
UUURRGGHHHHHH the plot after that is EXCRUCIATINGLY dumb and predictable for a while
I didn't find it upsetting, just irritating. Which is why I kept going when I still haven't finished Sou or Mitsuki's routes. Feeling better about my instinct that those two were going to be a bad time unless I stopped, though.
ANYWAY UGH SO
Kisa and Neji avoid each other and he CANNOT WRITE and everyone is worried they WON'T HAVE TIME TO PUT ON THE BIG PLAY
Kisa goes to talk to him and he says he's realised he was projecting his resentment of his father onto his father's lover and women in general, and that he's just made things hard for Kisa. But he's going to fix everything now! I liked this scene fine and was glad we are done with the Shitty Gender Plot aspect of this story.
Alas, that still left Shitty Gender-Unrelated Plot...
At some point Chui talks to Kisa about how he could always tell that Neji's talent would expire one day, he is a bird flying alone on wings of his solo talent and will eventually tire, and fall into the sea. But also this is Kisa's fault somehow, boo. Chui claims his talent will never expire even though he's even more of a Lone Genius Type than Neji, good luck with that Chui. He says the play Neji left him is incomplete, which is why Amber keeps redoing it: it requires a Jeanne who can sacrifice her entire self to another, which is not in Neji's nature.
Kisa realises the next day that when Neji said he'd fix everything, he didn't mean he's going to write the script, but that he found an existing replacement script, and has gone to COMMIT SUICIDE. Which luckily isn't a trigger for me so I was just COME ON.
Like I'm not against cheesy "heroine hugs suicidal love interest and he is inspired to Go On" scenes, but you gotta make it work for me emotionally and this just didn't. Anyway, that's what happened. She was totally down to die with him which, again, COME ON. I can roll with that but I need it to feel earned!! I decided to just headcanon both of them as Very Mentally Ill, which isn't not supported by the story.
Anyway. She hugs him as he stands in the sea, to keep him warm, and eventually he hugs her back and says she is his Al Jeanne, and he her Jack Ace, and he is going to write a play about her.
And now all the members of Quartz, teachers, etc are banding together to Give Neji Time, because he is a Genius and the script will be Worth It. Which I also think could have been emotionally affecting if the basic premise wasn't "he thought girls caused burnout, and he was right, but he got better".
And then I started liking it more.
Haa, everyone thinks it's great Kisa is the Al Jeanne but when Neji says he'll be the Jack Ace there's just confusion.
Sou: I know you can play both but aren't you more of a Jeanne?
Fumi: Guess you'll have to prove yourself. Careful I don't push you out of the spotlight ;)
It does feel as much like Neji finally challenging himself as an actor the way he has everyone else, as him just wanting to be Kisa's onstage boyfriend.
Neji is appreciative of everyone's help and realises he hasn't ever been alone. He gets better at asking Kisa for advice when he gets stuck. Whenever she helps him with writing/food etc, he's like "Yes, this is the sort of thing that would make my character fall further in love..."
I have decided that Neji has always deep down known he's queer and has been afraid of his own sexuality/gender, and also knew he was pushing himself into burnout. But "I'm just afraid of women breaking my talent" was a comforting lie, especially for a Japanese teen at a demanding school.
Neji struggles with playing his character, and asks to see Kai and Fumi's takes on those lines. They have 1000% more effortless UST with Kisa's character, lol, and Neji muses to Kisa that he lacks the ability to talk comfortably with girls. Kisa does not say "But I'm a girl".
Neji: Being a Jack Ace is hard. Maybe you should be Jack Ace.
KIsa: Me, play your character?!
Neji: No, maybe I should flip the genders of our characters. *describes genderflipped scenario with some enthusiasm*
Kisa: *zero objection*
Neji: Wait that wouldn't solve anything, it's like me refusing to eat my vegetables. And we already have a cute Al Jeanne so I guess we'll stick with what we've got.
GENDER
He discusses, in a light smiling tone, how he still can't come up with any new stories (since this play is just based on Kisa), and has no idea what he'll do when he graduates.
Neji: I keep thinking, maybe I'm doomed to end up back on that beach, like my father. But unlike him, I have you by my side whenever I hear the rolling sound of waves in my mind. Still, I wish I had my talent back. If only so I could appreciate your talent fully.
Neji: Hello Chui, I see you've come to our rehearsal! Perhaps you want to transfer to Quartz? :)
Kisa's character: So you're saying the Evil Government is a father and you're like a rebellious child?
Neji's character: Yes! And I so desperately want to become an adult.
Chui: I see. *turns to leave*
Neji: Chui, you'll make me cry if you don't even say goodbye! At least give me your thoughts!
Chui: Neji. You cannot play someone in search of paternal love unless you become someone who can offer love to your own parents. You may be able to satisfy yourself, but you are not able to satisfy Kisa Tachibana. I can bring his qualities out better than you.
Neji: ...Thanks. Do your best with "I am Death"!
They have SUCH a weird energy.
Neji: I suppose Chui visiting was his way of showing care. He is one of my adorable juniors after all. The time I spent with him creating that play was very exciting.
(Chui absolutely towers over Neji)
Fumi: I can't believe I'm spending Valentines day practising singing...
Kai: Oh, it's Valentines day? That explains why the elderly couple on my walk gave me chocolates... do you want some?
Fumi: Thank you. Mmm, good!
Kai: Here you go too, Kisa.
Fumi: You know. Neji seems like the sort who'd like chocolates.
Kai: Yes, he's working today, he would probably like something sweet.
HOW IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE "IT MIGHT BOTHER HIM"??
Fumi: You should give Neji chocolate.
Kai: I also have wheat bars.
Fumi, despairing at his dumbass classmates: No. Chocolate.
Neji: Ah, these are delicious! Come to think of it, I remember handing out Valentines Day chocolates I made with the other girls and handing them out to the boys. I think the girls didn't see me as a guy. Maybe I was acting like a clown to protect myself. Case in point, I'm talking to you about my stupid past instead of thanking you for this chocolate.
I was waiting to get no-trans-ed but the conversation just continues??? I JUST.
Neji: How about we do some things like lovers for a while? You gave me these because you like me, right? Even if you say no I'll assume you mean yes.
Kisa: Neji... >.>
Neji: Ah, we look like lovers just from the look you gave me... we did more at Christmas but I'm satisfied with just this. But it's not just me I need to satisfy, but all of Quartz with this play. So I'll set my resolve on loving you even more.
Neji tells everyone he needs to take some time off and Mitsuki immediately takes charge as class leader telling everyone what they need to practice on in the meantime.
Kisa: Will you be alright?
Neji: I need you to tell me I will be.
Kisa You will be alright :)
He goes back home (is his mother there? Is she dead?? This is never clarified!!) and goes through his father's things. He finds a notebook of ideas, initially too advanced for Neji to understand, but becoming sloppy. And then it ends with "my next play will be by the sea": was his death an accident?
Neji says he's cold and Kisa takes his hand, and he rests against her, saying that every time the waves got too loud in his head he thought of her. And then the waves receded, along with an image of his father, smiling, excited to do a play about the sea.
Neji: He's really dead, isn't he?
The next day he gathers everyone in Quartz.
Neji: I have completely lost my talent. I can't write, act, or direct, and so...
Everyone: D:
Neji: I need you to train me.
Mitsuki: FINALLY. YOU WILL ACTUALLY PRACTICE YOUR SINGING. Also I can take over as class leader, it's fine.
Kai: I do have some thoughts on how you could improve as a Jack Ace... right now, I can make Kisa shine better than you.
Fumi: And I'm a better flower ;)
Neji: Then teach me!
Suzu, shouting: EXCUSE ME! I CAN'T DO STUFF LIKE THE SENIORS BUT WILL HELP WHERE I CAN!
Neji, shouting: YOU ARE A DARLING AND A DELIGHT!
Sou: I can't help... but this script is already really good. I'm sure we can win.
Ok, you got me, game. I am having feelings.
Got distracted by dinner, what happened...
Amber arrives at the theatre for a rehearsal, and see the end of Quartz's.
Kamiya the bitchy Amber freshman: Lol, did the great Kokuto Neji just get DIRECTION NOTES from his ACTORS? How pathetic!!
Chui: The bird has flown past the ocean, and found a tree to rest on. We're leaving. You must make yourself transparent, and not bring your filth onto the stage.
Neji: Aw, he wanted us to have an extra rehearsal slot. People misunderstand Chui. He's actually very earnest and straightforward. I saw his talent and wanted to encourage him, but I wasn't a good match as a partner. I was unable to express myself honestly, and could not help him grow. He needed a rival.
Right. What a sweetie.
I feel like the game wants me to feel more positively about Chui than I do. But I guess he did help in his... unique, dickish way.
In the end, Chui does I Am Death as a (partial?) solo piece. Neji says he realises what's missing from it now: It's all building tension, with no release. "I am Death" sure is a title for a suicidal person to write...
Neji says a confusing metaphor which I think boils down to: Kisa has the capability of turning herself entirely into a vessel to help Chui transcend as an actor, but Neji would rather she stay her own person.
Neji says he's looking forward to seeing what lies beyond the end of his talent. He thought it would be the end of the world, but the sky is still blue and he's still curious to see the future, with Kisa at his side. Kisa says he IS talented, she's seeing that RIGHT NOW with him running the play, it's just a form of talent which involves working with other people.
This works for me moderately well as a depiction of mental illness and burnout. Like, there's still no space to be REALLY disabled, and there's still that Japanese valorisation of overwork, but the bar for otome depictions of mental illness is subterranean.
He gets all this help from other people on how to effectively play a Jack Ace which like... was positive for him but also felt very like hooray you have successfully learned to mask. Probably more fun if you don't read him as trans, though!
The rest was kind of predictable but sweet. They win the big play! Everyone is happy!
I did have feelings when Neji's character gets shot saving Kisa's and is like "even if I can't sing any more, you can, and I am happy to just watch you sing. Maybe I will survive this bullet and lie in bed all day and chat to you, that wouldn't be so bad", which feels like a metaphor for him watching her continue to act. And when Kisa is shouting "JUST DON'T DIE" you know she means it.
Watching the play, Chui realises that Quartz is able to pass on and share talent between generations, while his talent stands alone and will die with him.
Chui: Neji is always kind. Even to me.
He approaches Neji and says "I wish we could perform on the stage together again. I enjoyed my time working with you." which Neji is surprised and touched by. It is pretty sweet. NOW SAY NICE THINGS TO YOUR KOHAI, CHUI. I KNOW THEY'RE ASSHOLES BUT THEY'RE YOUR ASSHOLES.
And then of course Neji is INSPIRED TO WRITE, shouting "I love you, Kisa!" as he runs off to his office, in front of a large audience who have no reason to think Kisa isn't a guy. But I guess he does have an established reputation as a Wacky Guy Who Says Weird Gay Stuff.
Afterwards Kai implies he knew a little of how Neji's father died and was worried the same thing would happen to Neji.
Fumi says he likes how Kisa's Al Jeanne is different to his, and a sort he can't play, a refreshing mixture of boy and girl. GENDER.
Neji tells Kisa that he made a sort of pact with himself, thinking he was doomed to be like his father. But he was always just a genius, and didn't need a pact. He thanks her for everything she's done and then proposes marriage! We don't hear her reply but I'm guessing it's yes.
They return to the beach, and he lets go of a flower into the waves. Instead of sinking, it floats away towards the horizon. He says he won't come back here again: now, for him, it's just the ocean.
THE END
It is sort of implied that the real trigger for his breakdown was just having feelings he didn't know how to process starting an avalanche of ALL the feelings he wasn't processing. But I would have enjoyed everything WAY more if it was an indirect side effect of romance with Kisa. It could even still be something she blames herself for!
Before I was thinking I wanted Neji to get together with someone else kinda nb-ish and amab like Sou, but now I think he needs to fall in love with someone incredibly manly like Kai and be The Girl. Really dig into those neuroses. Either way, he needs to find out Kisa is a girl and just be her friend and it's FINE. Maybe realise Mitsuki is a girl in his own way too.
Or he could be a really messed up transmasc afab or intersex person.
Anyway! Done with Neji and moving on!
I had SUCH mixed feelings about this route. Some parts worked really well, other parts were Interestingly Flawed, and others were just... REALLY DUMB AND IRRITATING.
I went in thinking he was cheerfully bi and androgynous but bad at sexual boundaries, and quickly realised he is a whole OTHER kind of mess.
Overall the central problem with this route is that classic romance trope where the male love interest has a specific trauma response which is designed to be a believable angsty impediment to the relationship, but can also believably be fixed by the Power of Love. The trauma itself was believable and handled reasonably well in a "trauma healed by the power of love and friendship" sorta way, but his trauma response was a mixture of effective and VERY SILLY AND ALSO SEXIST that kept throwing me out of the story.
Also the narrative leaned a little too hard onto what an INCREDIBLE genius Neji is, and Kisa was a little too passive for my tastes. But they do have some great romantic scenes.
The rollercoaster of "this feels aggressively queer"/"this feels aggressively cishet" was pretty intense on this route. I kinda feel like Neji was intentionally written as implicitly attracted to men, and accidentally written with trans vibes, but god knows.
Content note: suicide, Unfortunate Gender Shit, mild dubcon, mental health problems handled in a well meaning but flawed way
Haa, so. With Fumi and Neji I was wondering how much their joke-flirting to fluster the freshman would ramp up towards dubcon in the romance.
Fumi did the opposite, most of the time, flirting intensely and sincerely on actual dates etc but otherwise being solidly a Good Sempai.
Neji's first route scene, which I'd already seen, starts with him throwing Kisa into a roleplaying scenario with no explanation, accusing Kisa of "sleeping with my husband". Afterwards he says she did a good job of playing a lover and hugs her with delight at how much fun she is to improvise with.
Also in general he constantly railroads people's boundaries and pushes them past their natural limits, for his own amusement and because he's (usually correctly) convinced it's for their own good or the good of the ART.
So I was a little worried where his second scene was going when he invited her to sneak into the empty theatre with him.
He did a whole complex performance, playing every part, about an eccentric and dictatorial director who falls in love with a seductive and menacing actress who absorbs his creativity until he dies, mourned by his young son. Kisa realises that even though Neji always plays bit parts, he's capable of playing anything, from a Jack to a Jeanne to a child.
He asks Kisa for feedback and she gives it in detail.
Neji: Hearing you go into so much detail makes me feel like you're stripping me nude! You're so horny! What are you intending, you want to sleep with me?!
Kisa: NO??
Neji: So you're NOT going to sleep with me after setting me in motion?!
Kisa: Uh?!
Neji: Being with you makes me brain tingle :D I will write this play down with your feedback added.
Kisa: You never keep coming up with ideas do you?
Neji: You never know when your creativity will run dry... Anyway, thanks! See you next time!
Kisa: Huh, he sounds like that director... WAIT. NEJI, HOW DO I LOCK THE DOOR???
I got the vibe he was worried Something would destroy his creativity, for a while I thought it might be chronic illness.
Neji: Fumi and Kai got together to berate me for pushing you too far. I have a tendency to put talent first and disregard the suffering. Just consider me being reckless with you a sign I want to interact with your talent. Though there are surely times I'm being reckless for no reason ahahaha! Don't tell them I said that they're scary when they get mad >.>
Fumi pushes Kisa hard on his route, but that felt more like "the kind of person who wants to date Fumi is also an ambitious workaholic". Neji is like that to everyone. But he does genuinely care, too, and will stop and help anyone he notices is struggling.
I can see Kai being pretty restful by comparison haha. He's always telling Neji and Fumi to be nicer to the freshers.
Joke flirting aside, Neji seems to have kohai-zoned Kisa in a way Fumi or Mitsuki didn't, I'm finishing up play 2 and the most overt sincere interest he's expressed is saying something Kisa did was cute. Unlike Fumi and Mitsuki there's no obvious sign on the common route that he ever figures out she's a girl, and a few signs pretty late in the game implying he hasn't yet. So I'm curious to see where this goes, will he express ambiguous confused Intense Friendship like Mitsuki? At this point they don't even feel like proper friends, they obviously like each other a lot but Neji tends to keep everyone at a bit of a distance and Kisa lacks Fumi's history with him and willingness to bully Neji into sincerity (I kinda ship Fumi/Neji, lonely bisexual androgynous geniuses that they are).
Neji, in his character's over the top older woman's voice: Hello there handsome boy. Have a chat with me? You're the only one who understands me. *in his normal voice* You really are.
Aww.
He goes on a little spiel about how people try and force everyone and everything into familiar shapes that they understand. "I wonder what sort of shape you are. At the same time, I hope I never figure it out. Like an endlessly flowing fountain, clear but ever changing... why my thirst can be quenched."
...yeah ok that's pretty shippy, while still plausibly platonic. I can deal with more of that!
Neji's third route scene!
Neji: Kisa! Come out with me!
Me: Aw.
Kisa: (Hmm. He's always pushy, but he seems different today, what's going on?)
Neji: I can tell you're taking off the negligee dressing of my soul so that you can touch my delicate skin with your mind!
Kisa: No??
Neji: I am going to buy us some train tickets. You buy us a flower!
He sits quietly looking out the window until they reach the ocean, and then he throws it into the waves.
HIS FATHER WAS A PLAYWRIGHT WHO KILLED HIMSELF IN THE OCEAN WHEN HE RAN OUT OF IDEAS. THAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR THE PLAY BEFORE.
Neji explains how he was inspired by his father to join the theatre too, but eventually realised all his father's long hours away from home weren't just spent acting, but on an affair with an actress. Neji was more upset by the fact his father then drifted away from theatre, ran out of ideas, and then 'sank into the sea'.
Oh god and now Neji's scared of women? He feels like if he ever gets a girlfriend he'll lose his creativity, like his father, which is why he joined the world of all-male theatre.
NEJI. WTF.
Kisa: So if he ever finds out I'm a girl... D:
This is very dumb. I refuse to see this guy as a straight cis dude. He's just a self hating and repressed non-binary bisexual. Also Kisa you should not just uncritically go "Oh if Neji hates women then me being a girl is bad, poor Neji".
As I edit: I've been poking at this like a sore tooth for days, especially after reading a few reviews of his route, all of which were entirely positive and didn't bring up the weird gender stuff at all. And I guess... it probably seems less ridiculous if you interpret "scared of women" as "scared of love and relationships, and also resentful of women, and (seeing himself as) straight so he conflates the two". But for that to work for me it would have had to be unpacked way more.
Lol, yes, you opened up to her because she's so attractive 'as a performer', sure.
I'm just thinking back over all the times I thought he was being too blase about pushing first-years to act out sexual/romantic scenes, and I'm going ohhh.... it genuinely doesn't occur to him that anyone could read it as sincerely sexual. Even when Sou was BLATANTLY into Kisa and felt weird about the quasi-sex scene Neji's like haha well just get over it. Because they're both BOYS it's FINE. And he is one of the slowest to realise she's a girl despite being generally very smart and observant. And all those sex jokes are just... the product of a very repressed mind. IT'S FINE THEY'RE ALL MEN.
I'm still not entirely sure this is the INTENDED reading. But it's sure the one I'm going with for now!
Haaa during the summer camp training exercise he specifically sets things up so he is the androgynous Jeanne to Kisa's Jack.
Neji: What are you doing all curled up alone in such a big hot spring? With so much space, you should dance! Like this!
Kisa: Ahhhh D: (In the CG he is wearing a towel but I'm guessing in-universe she was stuck with a naked dancing Neji)
Neji: Maybe we should scrub each others backs to cement our bond as sempai and kohai :)
Kisa: Back off or I'll tell Fumi and Mitsuki >:(
Neji: I wasn't really going to make you scrub my back! But that was a great embarrassed Jeanne act :)
Kisa: It wasn't an act >:(
Neji: Let big brother treat you to lunch ;)
Kisa: In... the free cafeteria?
Neji: Come now! Play the cute little Jeanne being doted on!
Yeah ok I think this game has some idea what it's doing.
Neji: Did me thinking about you summon you... Come with me to this cafe, there's something I need to tell you.
Kisa: Yes?
Neji: I LOVE YOU!!! I've been thinking about my feelings ever since we went to the ocean, and that's the only way to describe it!
Kisa: N-neji? In public? Is this one of your dramas?
Customer 1: They're doing this in public??
Customer 2: Two guys! Hot!
Neji: No! I love you! I love... your talent!!
Me and Kisa: Ah.
Neji: Your ingenious eyes constantly watch the stage, and if something is amiss you will sacrifice your own flesh and blood! And yet you respect others so much you can't see how talented you are! So I will continue to seduce your talent until you realise the talent you hold! If your talent had a physical form I would embrace it and shower it with kisses!! If you were a girl I would ask for your hand in marriage! But then I might lose my talent like my father... luckily you're a guy! Kisa?
Kisa: Sorry I was just... daydreaming a bit...
(nb he uses the most intense, unambiguously romantic way of saying "I love you", "aishiteru")
Kisa: Ah, Neji is having a conversation with the Al Jeanne of Rhodonite and Jack Ace of Onyx.
Me: Are they having an intervention where they slowly explain the concept of being queer to him with diagrams.
AHHHHH
So. Neji is very subdued and polite around Chui, making it hard to tell what he's thinking. But when he sees them dancing, he says Kisa was "exuding raw femininity" rather than, like everyone else, saying she looked 'like a girl'.
Neji: I know you've realised what you need for this role is to be more feminine. But you seem blocked. I hope you know I believe in your ability to play this part.
Kisa: I know. I'm sorry.
Neji: Which is why I've decided to draw the femininity out of you myself. With the usual drama scenes. I want you to play the woman. I'll play the man. This guy will be driven by lust to seduce you.
Kisa: Huh...??
Neji: You can fight me if you want :)
And then he gets ALL up in her business and whispers "My sweet love. I've expressed myself with all my heart. But you still don't look at me or believe what I have to say. I'm sure you think this is all an act. Which is why I won't rely on words any more. I will use my body to convey my feelings...
Kisa: Neji!!
Neji: Call me Kokuto. I've been so jealous of those you call by their given name. Kisa...
And then the choices are "Accept his kiss" and "fight back". And I mean OBVIOUSLY FIGHT BACK this isn't my first day at the otome rodeo but WOW OK THEN
Oh boy but the walkthrough says to accept his kiss!!
Neji: You're not going to run away? Do you think I'm bluffing?
Kisa: Not at all. I also don't know how far you're going to go. But I won't reject you, Neji.
He gasps and pulls away.
Neji: What was that? What did you do to me. It can't be... HAHA THAT WAS CLOSE. ANOTHER SECOND AND I'D HAVE TAKEN YOUR CLOTHES OFF! HEY MR POLICEMAN? I'M HERE! I DID THAT!! Wow I always suspected I had no morals... hahaha I bet it was traumatic having another guy shoving you around! How about we call it even with a punch?
I kinda did want to punch him but Kisa wouldn't, so. "Forgiving me is only going to deepen the colour of my sins" was a pretty great response. Afterwards we see him in his room muttering "No, it can't be..."
That was sure SOMETHING. I was maybe a little into it >.>
Going into this I kinda saw Chui as Neji's abusive ex, but I think it makes more sense if Chui saw it as a purely artistic thing and was his standard level of indifferent demanding cruelty, but Neji had feelings which Chui was Not Very Nice About. Like, sure we can kiss if it helps the art, lol no I am not your boyfriend.
Thinking over Neji's gay 'jokes' he seems strongly drawn to big beefy guys like Kai and Suzu (and Chui /o\) Though he is sure enthusiastic about having him, Mitsuki and Kisa dressed in the sexiest most revealing costumes he can get away with (Mitsuki's reaction to this is not shown lol)
He sure writes a lot of stories and songs about the sea as a place of death-like escape.
I was feeling a little sad he didn't have any real songs with Kisa outside of ensembles but then it occurred to me that he wrote all the songs, so every song with Kisa in it is a song with him and Kisa. I had Feelings during the femslashy duet, yeah I'm sure Shippy Platonic Friendship does seem like the ideal to you right now Neji!
The winter play is very weird in the context of his route: everyone in love with Kisa's character, who is scantily dressed, sexualised and slut-shamed, and then Neji himself plays an evil slut who seduces away Mitsuki's character's father. Like I always felt like Neji's plays had Issues with Women but... ok then.
Mitsuki confronting Neji about playing his character as a one dimensional villain instead of a person with feelings, and Neji going oh... she would pity the child whose life she ruined, and the child would just hate it for her more... He and Kisa have a little conversation about it, since he knows she would recognise the context.
During the play he is just quietly struck by how sad and beautiful Kisa is. I'm not sure if he's figured it out but he seems on the cusp of something. He says she changes herself to match whoever she's performing against, even him, but he still hasn't seen the true her.
haaaaaaa started his route and she goes to invite him to hang out for Christmas day. He speaks in a very calm, sincere tone, but describes it as judgement day.
Neji: You were amazing as Chichi. I'm sorry I came up with such a weird way to try and make you be more feminine when you managed it on your own. But... I need to check something. Can we act out a similar scene. I'll be the man, and you be the woman.
Kisa: UH
Neji: Seduce me. As a woman.
Kisa: ...I guess I have no choice...
Me: I feel like you do, Kisa, but sure.
Kisa, softly: I love you.
Neji: Don't give me a glass of water when I'm dying of thirst, I want to drown!
Kisa, leaning close: (I'm no good with physical affection. I still know how to be a woman, since I just played Chichi. But I have no idea how a woman would seduce a man) Kokuto. Say my name. (I've complied with his every demand. I want to show him what I'm made of after all that he's done) Let me kiss you (I'll do anything for him!)
[I think they kiss here but it's ambiguous]
Neji: ..ahh...
Neji: You're a girl. I'm a fool. I wrote Chichi as a Jeanne, but what I saw on stage was a beautiful woman. And when I checked just now... what I felt from you was the love of a girl.
Kisa: I'm so sorry :(
Neji: Don't worry! I'll graduate soon, and your identity will stay a secret. I'm a pretty good actor you know? You just take a break and I'll get back to working on the next play.
Kisa: (Ah, he's rejecting me...) Goodbye, Neji :(
Neji: She was a girl the whole time... acting, making friends, like any other student, and noone noticed? Oh, but no wonder she was so stressed playing Chichi! Did I write that subconsciously? Her talent got her through, but she was still crying, pushing herself for Quartz... I need to write the play! But how must she be feeling after that conversation... I'll talk to her after I'm done with my writing.
Kisa meanwhile has ONLY JUST realised she has feelings for him. Blah blah obviously it's her 'feminine side' which must have the romantic feelings SURE WHATEVER GAME
He avoids everyone for a while, then invites her out and is his usual friendly self, if slightly more subdued than usual.
Neji: What would you do if your brain refused to let you act?
Kisa: I'd keep trying.
Neji: Yes, you have the willpower to look at things in a good light. Ah, it's no good, the more I talk to you the more it feels like I'm melting away. Well, bye!
I have decided it's not Neji I'm pissed off at but this story. It's so DUMB.
UUURRGGHHHHHH the plot after that is EXCRUCIATINGLY dumb and predictable for a while
I didn't find it upsetting, just irritating. Which is why I kept going when I still haven't finished Sou or Mitsuki's routes. Feeling better about my instinct that those two were going to be a bad time unless I stopped, though.
ANYWAY UGH SO
Kisa and Neji avoid each other and he CANNOT WRITE and everyone is worried they WON'T HAVE TIME TO PUT ON THE BIG PLAY
Kisa goes to talk to him and he says he's realised he was projecting his resentment of his father onto his father's lover and women in general, and that he's just made things hard for Kisa. But he's going to fix everything now! I liked this scene fine and was glad we are done with the Shitty Gender Plot aspect of this story.
Alas, that still left Shitty Gender-Unrelated Plot...
At some point Chui talks to Kisa about how he could always tell that Neji's talent would expire one day, he is a bird flying alone on wings of his solo talent and will eventually tire, and fall into the sea. But also this is Kisa's fault somehow, boo. Chui claims his talent will never expire even though he's even more of a Lone Genius Type than Neji, good luck with that Chui. He says the play Neji left him is incomplete, which is why Amber keeps redoing it: it requires a Jeanne who can sacrifice her entire self to another, which is not in Neji's nature.
Kisa realises the next day that when Neji said he'd fix everything, he didn't mean he's going to write the script, but that he found an existing replacement script, and has gone to COMMIT SUICIDE. Which luckily isn't a trigger for me so I was just COME ON.
Like I'm not against cheesy "heroine hugs suicidal love interest and he is inspired to Go On" scenes, but you gotta make it work for me emotionally and this just didn't. Anyway, that's what happened. She was totally down to die with him which, again, COME ON. I can roll with that but I need it to feel earned!! I decided to just headcanon both of them as Very Mentally Ill, which isn't not supported by the story.
Anyway. She hugs him as he stands in the sea, to keep him warm, and eventually he hugs her back and says she is his Al Jeanne, and he her Jack Ace, and he is going to write a play about her.
And now all the members of Quartz, teachers, etc are banding together to Give Neji Time, because he is a Genius and the script will be Worth It. Which I also think could have been emotionally affecting if the basic premise wasn't "he thought girls caused burnout, and he was right, but he got better".
And then I started liking it more.
Haa, everyone thinks it's great Kisa is the Al Jeanne but when Neji says he'll be the Jack Ace there's just confusion.
Sou: I know you can play both but aren't you more of a Jeanne?
Fumi: Guess you'll have to prove yourself. Careful I don't push you out of the spotlight ;)
It does feel as much like Neji finally challenging himself as an actor the way he has everyone else, as him just wanting to be Kisa's onstage boyfriend.
Neji is appreciative of everyone's help and realises he hasn't ever been alone. He gets better at asking Kisa for advice when he gets stuck. Whenever she helps him with writing/food etc, he's like "Yes, this is the sort of thing that would make my character fall further in love..."
I have decided that Neji has always deep down known he's queer and has been afraid of his own sexuality/gender, and also knew he was pushing himself into burnout. But "I'm just afraid of women breaking my talent" was a comforting lie, especially for a Japanese teen at a demanding school.
Neji struggles with playing his character, and asks to see Kai and Fumi's takes on those lines. They have 1000% more effortless UST with Kisa's character, lol, and Neji muses to Kisa that he lacks the ability to talk comfortably with girls. Kisa does not say "But I'm a girl".
Neji: Being a Jack Ace is hard. Maybe you should be Jack Ace.
KIsa: Me, play your character?!
Neji: No, maybe I should flip the genders of our characters. *describes genderflipped scenario with some enthusiasm*
Kisa: *zero objection*
Neji: Wait that wouldn't solve anything, it's like me refusing to eat my vegetables. And we already have a cute Al Jeanne so I guess we'll stick with what we've got.
GENDER
He discusses, in a light smiling tone, how he still can't come up with any new stories (since this play is just based on Kisa), and has no idea what he'll do when he graduates.
Neji: I keep thinking, maybe I'm doomed to end up back on that beach, like my father. But unlike him, I have you by my side whenever I hear the rolling sound of waves in my mind. Still, I wish I had my talent back. If only so I could appreciate your talent fully.
Neji: Hello Chui, I see you've come to our rehearsal! Perhaps you want to transfer to Quartz? :)
Kisa's character: So you're saying the Evil Government is a father and you're like a rebellious child?
Neji's character: Yes! And I so desperately want to become an adult.
Chui: I see. *turns to leave*
Neji: Chui, you'll make me cry if you don't even say goodbye! At least give me your thoughts!
Chui: Neji. You cannot play someone in search of paternal love unless you become someone who can offer love to your own parents. You may be able to satisfy yourself, but you are not able to satisfy Kisa Tachibana. I can bring his qualities out better than you.
Neji: ...Thanks. Do your best with "I am Death"!
They have SUCH a weird energy.
Neji: I suppose Chui visiting was his way of showing care. He is one of my adorable juniors after all. The time I spent with him creating that play was very exciting.
(Chui absolutely towers over Neji)
Fumi: I can't believe I'm spending Valentines day practising singing...
Kai: Oh, it's Valentines day? That explains why the elderly couple on my walk gave me chocolates... do you want some?
Fumi: Thank you. Mmm, good!
Kai: Here you go too, Kisa.
Fumi: You know. Neji seems like the sort who'd like chocolates.
Kai: Yes, he's working today, he would probably like something sweet.
HOW IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE "IT MIGHT BOTHER HIM"??
Fumi: You should give Neji chocolate.
Kai: I also have wheat bars.
Fumi, despairing at his dumbass classmates: No. Chocolate.
Neji: Ah, these are delicious! Come to think of it, I remember handing out Valentines Day chocolates I made with the other girls and handing them out to the boys. I think the girls didn't see me as a guy. Maybe I was acting like a clown to protect myself. Case in point, I'm talking to you about my stupid past instead of thanking you for this chocolate.
I was waiting to get no-trans-ed but the conversation just continues??? I JUST.
Neji: How about we do some things like lovers for a while? You gave me these because you like me, right? Even if you say no I'll assume you mean yes.
Kisa: Neji... >.>
Neji: Ah, we look like lovers just from the look you gave me... we did more at Christmas but I'm satisfied with just this. But it's not just me I need to satisfy, but all of Quartz with this play. So I'll set my resolve on loving you even more.
Neji tells everyone he needs to take some time off and Mitsuki immediately takes charge as class leader telling everyone what they need to practice on in the meantime.
Kisa: Will you be alright?
Neji: I need you to tell me I will be.
Kisa You will be alright :)
He goes back home (is his mother there? Is she dead?? This is never clarified!!) and goes through his father's things. He finds a notebook of ideas, initially too advanced for Neji to understand, but becoming sloppy. And then it ends with "my next play will be by the sea": was his death an accident?
Neji says he's cold and Kisa takes his hand, and he rests against her, saying that every time the waves got too loud in his head he thought of her. And then the waves receded, along with an image of his father, smiling, excited to do a play about the sea.
Neji: He's really dead, isn't he?
The next day he gathers everyone in Quartz.
Neji: I have completely lost my talent. I can't write, act, or direct, and so...
Everyone: D:
Neji: I need you to train me.
Mitsuki: FINALLY. YOU WILL ACTUALLY PRACTICE YOUR SINGING. Also I can take over as class leader, it's fine.
Kai: I do have some thoughts on how you could improve as a Jack Ace... right now, I can make Kisa shine better than you.
Fumi: And I'm a better flower ;)
Neji: Then teach me!
Suzu, shouting: EXCUSE ME! I CAN'T DO STUFF LIKE THE SENIORS BUT WILL HELP WHERE I CAN!
Neji, shouting: YOU ARE A DARLING AND A DELIGHT!
Sou: I can't help... but this script is already really good. I'm sure we can win.
Ok, you got me, game. I am having feelings.
Got distracted by dinner, what happened...
Amber arrives at the theatre for a rehearsal, and see the end of Quartz's.
Kamiya the bitchy Amber freshman: Lol, did the great Kokuto Neji just get DIRECTION NOTES from his ACTORS? How pathetic!!
Chui: The bird has flown past the ocean, and found a tree to rest on. We're leaving. You must make yourself transparent, and not bring your filth onto the stage.
Neji: Aw, he wanted us to have an extra rehearsal slot. People misunderstand Chui. He's actually very earnest and straightforward. I saw his talent and wanted to encourage him, but I wasn't a good match as a partner. I was unable to express myself honestly, and could not help him grow. He needed a rival.
Right. What a sweetie.
I feel like the game wants me to feel more positively about Chui than I do. But I guess he did help in his... unique, dickish way.
In the end, Chui does I Am Death as a (partial?) solo piece. Neji says he realises what's missing from it now: It's all building tension, with no release. "I am Death" sure is a title for a suicidal person to write...
Neji says a confusing metaphor which I think boils down to: Kisa has the capability of turning herself entirely into a vessel to help Chui transcend as an actor, but Neji would rather she stay her own person.
Neji says he's looking forward to seeing what lies beyond the end of his talent. He thought it would be the end of the world, but the sky is still blue and he's still curious to see the future, with Kisa at his side. Kisa says he IS talented, she's seeing that RIGHT NOW with him running the play, it's just a form of talent which involves working with other people.
This works for me moderately well as a depiction of mental illness and burnout. Like, there's still no space to be REALLY disabled, and there's still that Japanese valorisation of overwork, but the bar for otome depictions of mental illness is subterranean.
He gets all this help from other people on how to effectively play a Jack Ace which like... was positive for him but also felt very like hooray you have successfully learned to mask. Probably more fun if you don't read him as trans, though!
The rest was kind of predictable but sweet. They win the big play! Everyone is happy!
I did have feelings when Neji's character gets shot saving Kisa's and is like "even if I can't sing any more, you can, and I am happy to just watch you sing. Maybe I will survive this bullet and lie in bed all day and chat to you, that wouldn't be so bad", which feels like a metaphor for him watching her continue to act. And when Kisa is shouting "JUST DON'T DIE" you know she means it.
Watching the play, Chui realises that Quartz is able to pass on and share talent between generations, while his talent stands alone and will die with him.
Chui: Neji is always kind. Even to me.
He approaches Neji and says "I wish we could perform on the stage together again. I enjoyed my time working with you." which Neji is surprised and touched by. It is pretty sweet. NOW SAY NICE THINGS TO YOUR KOHAI, CHUI. I KNOW THEY'RE ASSHOLES BUT THEY'RE YOUR ASSHOLES.
And then of course Neji is INSPIRED TO WRITE, shouting "I love you, Kisa!" as he runs off to his office, in front of a large audience who have no reason to think Kisa isn't a guy. But I guess he does have an established reputation as a Wacky Guy Who Says Weird Gay Stuff.
Afterwards Kai implies he knew a little of how Neji's father died and was worried the same thing would happen to Neji.
Fumi says he likes how Kisa's Al Jeanne is different to his, and a sort he can't play, a refreshing mixture of boy and girl. GENDER.
Neji tells Kisa that he made a sort of pact with himself, thinking he was doomed to be like his father. But he was always just a genius, and didn't need a pact. He thanks her for everything she's done and then proposes marriage! We don't hear her reply but I'm guessing it's yes.
They return to the beach, and he lets go of a flower into the waves. Instead of sinking, it floats away towards the horizon. He says he won't come back here again: now, for him, it's just the ocean.
THE END
It is sort of implied that the real trigger for his breakdown was just having feelings he didn't know how to process starting an avalanche of ALL the feelings he wasn't processing. But I would have enjoyed everything WAY more if it was an indirect side effect of romance with Kisa. It could even still be something she blames herself for!
Before I was thinking I wanted Neji to get together with someone else kinda nb-ish and amab like Sou, but now I think he needs to fall in love with someone incredibly manly like Kai and be The Girl. Really dig into those neuroses. Either way, he needs to find out Kisa is a girl and just be her friend and it's FINE. Maybe realise Mitsuki is a girl in his own way too.
Or he could be a really messed up transmasc afab or intersex person.
Anyway! Done with Neji and moving on!
