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Content Notes for the book in general: consent issues, sexualisation of children, gore, mixed treatment of cross-dressing, self harm (sort of), dead babies, child harm, incest subtext, ANGST
I've finally caught up to where I was up to before and it's all very exciting! Also...so many new names to remember...*edits guide* *edits content notes that used to say "sexualisation of teenagers"*
Under the cut: SPOILERS for chapters 141-150.
So last time on Jerry Springer everyone was waiting to know if Feng Xin is darling little Cuo Cuo's father (that's the baby's name, btw) Also there's a note from MXTX explaining that Feng Xin isn't a cultivator so doesn't need to be celibate like Xie Lian and Mu Qing. Consistent sex worldbuilding is very important!
Jian Lian: HE'S NOT. Who the hell's that eager to recognise their sons, anyway?
Feng Xin: If he is then of course I'll...
Jian Lan: What? Recognise him? Raise him?
Feng Xin, looking at the demonic monster tearing into his arm, blood pouring down onto his frustrated fist: I... :(
Jian Lan: He's got nothing to do with you so stop worrying!
Green Goblin: I KNEW IT WAS THE SPAWN OF SOME PLEB :D
Jian Lan: *beats the crap out of Green Goblin*
Gu Zi, blearily: Don't hurt my dad :(
Jian Lan: :( *leaves Green Goblin and grabs Cuo Cuo's legs* STOP BITING. SO DISOBEDIENT!
Poor Jian Lan :( I didn't mention it before but she's described as looking like a moderately attractive middle aged woman when she isn't slathering herself in too much makeup. Meanwhile afaict Feng Xin and all the other gods and major demons look, like, 25. Also the first time she met Xie Lian in Ghost City she tried to get him to hire her as a prostitute, I don't think she knew who he was at that point :(
There is another wave of demonic energy from Mount Tonglu (which is being translated as "the arousal of demons" and... ok, it does seem to have that literal effect on Hua Cheng but I'm not calling it that)
Jian Lan takes advantage of this distraction to call Cuo Cuo into her arms and escape, shouting at Feng Xin not to follow. I think Green Goblin escaped with Gu Zi, too :(
Feng Xin is collapsed on the ground, weak from bloodloss, his arm a bloody tatters and his face scratched to hell.
Xie Lian: Are you...ok?
Feng Xin: >:( *punches tree in half*
Hua Cheng: Who turned your wife and son into ghosts? If you've got fire burn the right person.
Feng Xin: *glares darkly at Fu Yao, aka Ming Yi, who Cuo Cuo accused of turning it into a ghost*
Fu Yao: Hey I-I MEAN MY GENERAL- had nothing to do with it!
Feng Xin: *glares darkly at everyone and stumbles away, ignoring all entreaties to stay*
Xie Lian sighs and lets Ming Yi go to chase after Jian Lan and Cuo Cuo. Everything's such a mess, relying on Heaven to sort things out might not be the best idea right now.
Xie Lian: I feel like someone is behind the scenes trying to frame your general.
Ming Yi: Who cares. It's going to Mount Tonglu, I'll figure all that out after I catch it.
Xie Lian sighs again, makes sure none of the cultivators are too badly hurt under the rubble, and leaves with Hua Cheng towards a non-demonic inn.
Hua Cheng: None of this has anything to do with you.
Xie Lian: I think it does. Feng Xin must have befriended Jian Lan during my first banishment. I've never told you about it have I? I've never told anyone...
His one remaining vassal was Feng Xin. Xie Lian got Feng Xin to pawn off all of what was left of Xie Lian's fancy possessions, but told him to keep some money for himself. Not just out of loyalty, but out of fear: what if Feng Xin abandoned him too?
Xie Lian never asked Feng Xin about his personal life, still unconsciously assuming his vassal's life would revolve The Great Crown Prince And God.
Xie Lian: Did I make Feng Xin lose the girl he loved by making him so poor?
Hua Cheng: If he liked her but they separated, then what they had was only 'like'.
There is some GRATUITOUS SHOTA FANSERVICE ending in them lying next to each other in bed laughing.
And then they both suddenly sense something wrong. There is a pot of tea on the table and a figure standing in the room. Xie Lian feels a chill go down his spine.
Jun Wu: Don't be afraid. Tea, XianLe?
...yeah, I am pretty sure I'd figured out he was evil by this point. As a reminder, Jun Wu is the Emperor of Heaven, and Xian Le is the name of the long fallen kingdom Xie Lian was Crown Prince of.
Xie Lian: OH HELLO MY LORD. *shoves blanket over the demon king child he is in bed with* WHAT A SURPRISE.
Jun Wu: *calmly pours three cups of tea, and then reaches for his sword*
Xie Lian: UM. HEY ISN'T THIS CHILD ADORABLE? IT'S LIKE-
Jun Wu: Like if you had a son, yes :) It's not the first time I've met your excellency, but certainly the first at such close range. Xie Lian, leave your little friend for now and come talk with me outside.
Hua Cheng: There's no need, even little country bumpkin ghosts know what a mess you're in right now :)
How Mount Tonglu works is that ghosts gather over a region the size of seven city-states, and fight their way to the Kiln at the center. The weaker ones die at the edges, and only an especially strong few make it into the Kiln. A strong enough ghost will become even stronger within. But if they're not strong enough, they will be destroyed.
With so many gods exiled/dead/injured etc right now, it's been impossible to prevent the influx of ghosts to mount Tonglu. Xie Lian would volunteer to help if it was a simple fight, but they need a general to lead an army, and he knows he is no good at that.
The only remaining solution is to send a god in under cover to find and kill the strongest ghosts before they can get to the kiln, then leave the weaker ones to fight it out and eventually perish.
Hua Cheng: It's suicide. I suggest you who came up with the plan go yourself.
Jun Wu: That's the plan :)
Xie Lian: The sky will literally fall without you.
Jun Wu, clenching his fists: Once you're used to it you'll find that whoever is lost, life always goes on. There is always new to replace the old. It's nothing if we just get another Crimson Rain Sought Flower (Hua Cheng) or Ship Sinking Black Water, but if it's another White Clothed Calamity the world really will fall into chaos. You've seen with your own eyes how difficult it was to kill a Supreme like him. There's no other way.
Hua Cheng: Who says?
The next day Xie Lian and Hua Cheng began their journey to Mount TongLu.
Hua Cheng: The next time Jun Wu comes towards you, turn around and run away. Every time he comes looking for you it's something bad.
Xian Le: This wasn't the job he assigned me.
Hua Cheng: Helping manage the heavens is just as bad. It's like choosing between a sword or a knife to commit suicide.
Xie Lian quietly thinks that Hua Cheng volunteered to help because he knew Xie Lian would MUCH rather be locked in a kiln murdering demons than have to do human resources management. Hua Cheng reassures him that killing off the new Ghost King is pretty appealing on it's own merits...also he got Jun Wu to agree to form a god-exclusion-zone around Ghost City and for odes to the heroic deeds of Hua Cheng to be announced in Heaven for a year.
They see crowds of demons cheerfully singing about the glory they will find in the Kiln, milling around in front of a mountain blocking the road to Mount Tonglu. Hua Cheng says it's common for groups of friends to plan to work together, but it always ends in betrayal and death by the end.
Hua Cheng pulls Xie Lian close and touches their foreheads together to cover Xie Lian in his demonic scent. But one of the demons shouts that HE SMELLS A HEAVENLY OFFICIAL and that everyone wearing cloaks or masks should remove them. And the first one he points to is...Xie Lian.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: I'm the Demon of Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade, the blade of the executioner!! So what are you?!
Xie Lian, silently: What an edgelord, I could kill three of him with one blow.
Xie Lian: I'm a puppet master. I work with human bodies, so I smell of them a little. This child here is my puppet.
Hua Cheng: :|
Female demons: OOH SO LIFELIKE. Can you make me one?
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: You look more like a human dyed with evil to me. Luckily I have a way to tell! I stole some minor talismans from some cultivators I murdered, they won't hurt but can prove we're truly evil. See? *puts talisman on his forehead, where it burns into a small puff of smoke*
Xie Lian: Uh.
Hua Cheng: Lol, you hicks believed he was the real puppet master?! *lets his demonic aura show*
Demons: Wait, if he's the puppet master what kind are you?
Xie Lian: The kind that belongs to him :) Master thought this would be amusing.
Female demons: OOH OK I WANT ONE OF THESE MORE. *reaching for Xie Lian* This is real human skin, right? Does he have any meat on him once you take off those clothes? He seems nice ;)
Hua Cheng, magically repelling them: His temper is nice but mine is bad. No one shall touch what I love except for me.
Xie Lian, having a ball: Master's temper is very nice too ;D
Hua Cheng, likewise: :D
The last cloaked demon is hassled into revealing his face...which is so aggressively bland and forgettable that Xie Lian and Hua Cheng agree it must be a fake.
Just as the demons are hassling Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade for freaking out over nothing, he collapses to the ground, stabbed by...a heavenly weapon!!
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US!! QUICK, USE MY TALISMANS!!
Xie Lian: Why do you have...so many talismans...
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: NOT IMPORTANT
So most of the four hundred demons waiting at the mountain put talismans on their heads. Nothing happens...and then Hua Cheng warns "Crouch down" and ALL FOUR HUNDRED HEADS EXPLODE.
Looking at the tattered remains of a talisman floating down over the dead and injured demons, Xie Lian realises it is a powerful spell with a minor talisman stuck over the top.
Demons: DIDN'T WE AGREE TO ALL BE FRIENDS UNTIL MOUNT TONGLU??
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: The faster idiots like you are done in the better!
Demons: Is it too late to go home? :(
But then they all realise the mountain that was in front of them...is now behind them, blocking the way out.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: As for you, puppet, let's see what you're really made-*is cut in half by the cloaked man*
Cloaked man, sheathing his sword and putting his arms around two especially hot female demons who escaped the blast: Are you ladies alright?
Lady demons: Ew!! Go away!
Cloaked man: Hey this face isn't that bad :(
Xie Lian: Hello Pei Ming :/
Pei Ming: Sup. Jun Wu sent me. And omg is this Hua Cheng? What did you eat to grow backwards? :D
Hua Cheng: It's a fake. Kill it.
Pei Ming: I'm the real deal! I've just been eating ghost essence candy I bought in Ghost City!
Hua Cheng: They're bad for you, and make you smell revolting to other ghosts :)
Pei Ming, realising they ruin his chances with hot lady ghosts: FINE *throws candy away*
Xie Lian thinks about how lady demons seem to like Hua Cheng's smell, and how if he wants to pass as evil he may have to...ingest Hua Cheng's bodily fluids...
Xie Lian looks at the surviving demons, groaning and injured on the ground. "Do you understand what kind of place Mount Tonglu is now? If you don't want to run into even scarier things, wait here to find a chance to leave."
The demons help each other get up and escape.
Pei Ming: That Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade was unexpectedly impressive, the way he took advantage of you striking him.
Xie Lian: I thought that was you D: OH NO WHERE DID THE BODY GO??
Hua Cheng: Gege, be careful. Within Mount Tonglu, the more opponents killed, the stronger the slayer. And he just killed several hundred demons.
Xie Lian sees the dark woods ahead of them, and instinctively reaches for Hua Cheng's hand. It's hot: Hua Cheng is about to return to his true form, but he'll be weak during the transitional period.
Xie Lian goes to create a protective array using his sword's magic. Hua Cheng's now child sized scimitar E-Ming wants to help and Hua Cheng is VERY MEAN TO IT FOR NO REASON and then falls into unconsciousness.
Pei Ming: Who knew we'd bump into such an impressive character from the start. Your Highness really does have the best luck.
Hua Cheng: Maybe he was coming after you.
Pei Ming: Lol, if it was a woman, maybe.
And then a scratch appears on his face. Xie Lian senses no killing intent aimed towards himself. It really is coming for General Pei.
Pei Ming manages to bring down the invisible Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade, who appears under his boot, sneers, and then reaches up and snaps his blade.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: I can't believe you'd use such a trashy sword!
Even though he's still cut in half, Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade is able to move adeptly as just an upper torso and dodge all of Pei Ming's attacks, as if he already knows them. Eventually, Pei Ming reluctantly retreats to Xie Lian's protective array.
Xie Lian: What about your spiritual device?
Pei Ming: I don't have one. That's just a sword I picked up nearby.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: Because his most agreeable sword no longer exists!
Pei Ming: Ming...Guang?!
It's the spirit of Pei Ming's sword from when he was mortal! Apparently he snapped it in half just before ascending to godhood, but he refuses to explain why.
They sit inside the array hoping Xie Lian's sword's magic can hold against Ming Guang. But then a large, dark skinned man appears. *tenses*
(This is around the point I got to before and then stopped for six months)
Ming Guang: Help me break this array and I'll split the heads inside with you!
But the man doesn't understand Ming Guang's dialect and gets offended about being yelled at...and then suddenly recognises Xie Lian!
It's General Kei Mo! A character from one of the "side stories" in Book One I didn't summarise! I KNEW THAT WOULD COME BACK TO BITE ME EVENTUALLY.
Kei Mo was general of a different long extinct country, I think called BanYue, which had a tragic civil war. Pei Ming's descendent Pei Su was revealed to have been complicit in some shady business involving the priestess (also called Ban Yue) that I've forgotten the details of. I think Ban Yue was like...a less privileged version of Xie Lian, who went from downtrodden ethnic minority to head priestess, with Kei Mo her loyal general, but then she got manipulated into betraying them by Pei Su?? Or something??? And then Kei Mo and his men were trapped as angry spirits murdering passing travellers until Xie Lian broke the curse, leading to Pei Su being banished from Heaven after and Pei Ming attempted to murder Ban Yue as the only witness. I AM PROBABLY REMEMBERING IT WRONG.
EDIT:skygiants wrote a much more accurate summary.
Anyway, Kei Mo hates Xie Lian AND the whole Pei family, so starts kicking at Xie Lian's sword.
Xie Lian: Quick, do this gesture, it's how his people ask for truce!
Pei Ming: That's not going to-
Ming Guang: *does the gesture before they can*
Kei Mo: *knocks Ming Guang flying*
It was actually an insult along the lines of "fuck your wife", lol. Kei Mo beats the crap out of Ming Guang for a while but Ming Guang eventually manages to get across "Those guys are our mutual enemies" and the two of them team up. Oh no!
Xie Lian: PEI SU! BAN YUE!! KEI MO IS HERE, RUN AWAY!!
Kei Mo: OH NO YOU DON'T! *runs to find his enemies who are not actually there*
Ming Guang: omg you dumbass
Ming Guang is about to start attacking again by himself when Pei Ming brings out his secret weapon...MING GUANG'S LOWER HALF!!
He and Xie Lian bicker over who should threaten to punch him in the balls...and then the lower half starts kicking them! And then turns into a literal sword!!
There is a very silly sequence where Hua Cheng's scimitar gets longer when it's praised or kissed by Xie Lian. Pei Ming immediately realises it's a dick thing and runs with it, Xie Lian is very confused. I guess if The Scimitar Is His Penis then Hua Cheng calling it useless trash is more...weird and sad than mean? I am just... going to assume Xie Lian's sentient bandage isn't a metaphor for anything...
ANYWAY. It's no good, the array collapses and Kei Mo comes back, even angrier.
Kei Mo: YOU LIED!
Xie Lian: No I didn't.
Ban Yue: *Appears and starts throwing scorpion snakes at Kei Mo*
Pei Su: *Also appears*
OK. SURE.
I have trouble following what happens after that, but Xie Lian wonders if kissing Hua Cheng would help him too, so kisses him on the forehead.
Pei Ming: Kiss his mouth, dumbass
Xie Lian: STOP WATCHING
Ban Yue tidily defeats Kei Mo and Ming Guang and traps them in clay pots.
Pei Su explains what he's been doing since Book 1: After being banished, he decided to hassle Green Goblin, but being mortal now nearly got killed for his trouble. The Rain Master (a quiet god of farmers who shows up from time to time being helpful) found and helped him. Pei Su was very surprised: The Rain Master was the last ruler of YuShi, a country that got flattened by Pei Su's army from XuLi, and has always blatantly hated the Peis.
Pei Su started working for the Rain Master with Ban Yue, and they'd been nearby defending YuShi farmers from demons on their way to Mount TongLu. When they heard Xie Lian calling their names they decided to investigate. SURE.
Pei Ming: Do me proud here and I may be able to get you back into Heaven!
Ming Guang: SO YOU THROW AWAY ALL YOUR LOYAL SUBORDINATE'S LIVES BUT SAVE YOUR LITTLE PEI AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S DONE?!
Pei Ming: Wait. You're not Ming Guang at all, are you? You're my old deputy general, Rong Guang!
Ming Guang: ....no. I'm nothing but a sword.
Back when Pei Ming was a successful human general, Rong Guang was his loyal bff, hence the name of Pei Ming's sword. Pei Ming did the fighting and Rong Guang did the sneaky plotting. And when Pei Ming wasn't ambitious enough for Rong Guang, he sneakily plotted with Pei Ming's underlings to depose the king of XuLi and put Pei Ming in his place. By the time Pei Ming found out it was too late to stop it.
So he took his sword, Ming Guang, and killed all his followers. And then he broke the sword, and ascended to Heaven.
Ban Yue seals and puts away the two pots and everyone walks further into the forest. She and Pei Su are looking for the Rain Master, who they worry will get hurt since he's not a martial god, though he does have a protective steed.
Xie Lian worries about the still unconscious Hua Cheng and it's only when Ban Yue points out that "Pei Su gege is mortal and needs to rest" that Xie Lian remembers that he also needs to eat and sleep.
Pei Su hunts down a chicken and gives it to Ban Yue but she doesn't know how to cook.
Pei Ming: What kind of woman are you? Can't cook, never wear makeup, fighting all day!
Ban Yue, the ancient immortal ghost priestess who just saved their asses: ...
Xie Lian "teaches" Ban Yue to cook, which goes about as well as you'd expect, and since Pei Ming also can't cook he thinks it all looks fine, even when Ban Yue adds POISONOUS SCORPION SNAKES.
Pei Ming: I have a question I've always wanted to ask, but since we weren't acquainted it wasn't appropriate. Why didn't you ask Jun Wu to remove your cursed shackles after you ascended back to heaven?
Xie Lian thinks about how he and Pei Ming have known each other for centuries, but Xie Lian always dismissed him as an ill-minded womaniser.
Xie Lian: Well. Can I ask why you've never reforged a sword as a spiritual device after snapping Ming Guang?
Pei Ming: What an unpleasant question.
Xie Lian: Exactly.
And then Hua Cheng wakes up! He looks like a teenager now, too.
Hua Cheng: I sense something coming towards us from the east!
Pei Su: I heard hundreds of ghosts coming towards us from the west!
Xie Lian: Let's go...West!
They travel the western road, expecting at any moment to be overwhelmed by hundreds of ghosts, but see nothing...until they reach a corpse strewn battlefield. The ghosts were running away, and whatever it was they were running from got them.
They find one survivor, a terrified chattering skull who says they were all killed by a young man clad in black. And they had only come West to avoid an even more terrifying young man clad in white to the East. Both have killed thousands.
Xie Lian: ...I guess we keep going West.
Ban Yue and Xie Lian proudly present their burned horrifying abomination of a meal to the others. Hua Cheng cheerfully eats some.
Pei Ming: It's made for you, Pei Su, eat up! STOP FALLING OVER YOU WEAKLING.
Xie Lian wonders why they keep coming across abandoned houses and roads, surely no human can survive out here. Hua Cheng explains that thousands of years before even XianLe there was a human kingdom here, WuYong. And since Mount Tonglu only exists for a short while every few hundred years, the houses remain intact.
Xie Lian: Wait...my master, the Guoshi of XianLe, told me about WuYong! He said the kingdom had a noble crown prince who was beloved by all and never forgotten.
Guoshi: You should try to be like him.
Young Xie Lian: How come I've never heard of him then? If he was that great he'd have become a god. That's what I'm going to do!
Guoshi: ...go copy the ethics sutras a hundred times >:/
...is Guoshi the crown prince of WuYong and also Jun Wu? CALLING IT NOW.
Pei Ming: Sounds like that Guoshi knew a lot. What happened to him?
Xie Lian: After XianLe fell I...lost track of a lot of people...
Pei Su, crawling through the mud, still delirious from dinner: *gesturing to tracks in the mud* This, is...m, arks left behind by L, ord Rain Master's Protection St, eed....
Ban Yue: Pei Su gege, your commas are all over the place (ACTUAL CANON QUOTE)
Hua Cheng: The Rain Master has run into the black clad man, and fought a battle.
AND NOW I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!! Oooh.
Also I kinda want to ship Ban Yue and Pei Su but can't remember exactly what he did to her before and if it's too awful for me to forgive. I mean I guess she seems to have forgiven him. Also PROBABLY GOING TO DIE TRAGICALLY ANYWAY.
Content Notes for the book in general: consent issues, sexualisation of children, gore, mixed treatment of cross-dressing, self harm (sort of), dead babies, child harm, incest subtext, ANGST
I've finally caught up to where I was up to before and it's all very exciting! Also...so many new names to remember...*edits guide* *edits content notes that used to say "sexualisation of teenagers"*
Under the cut: SPOILERS for chapters 141-150.
So last time on Jerry Springer everyone was waiting to know if Feng Xin is darling little Cuo Cuo's father (that's the baby's name, btw) Also there's a note from MXTX explaining that Feng Xin isn't a cultivator so doesn't need to be celibate like Xie Lian and Mu Qing. Consistent sex worldbuilding is very important!
Jian Lian: HE'S NOT. Who the hell's that eager to recognise their sons, anyway?
Feng Xin: If he is then of course I'll...
Jian Lan: What? Recognise him? Raise him?
Feng Xin, looking at the demonic monster tearing into his arm, blood pouring down onto his frustrated fist: I... :(
Jian Lan: He's got nothing to do with you so stop worrying!
Green Goblin: I KNEW IT WAS THE SPAWN OF SOME PLEB :D
Jian Lan: *beats the crap out of Green Goblin*
Gu Zi, blearily: Don't hurt my dad :(
Jian Lan: :( *leaves Green Goblin and grabs Cuo Cuo's legs* STOP BITING. SO DISOBEDIENT!
Poor Jian Lan :( I didn't mention it before but she's described as looking like a moderately attractive middle aged woman when she isn't slathering herself in too much makeup. Meanwhile afaict Feng Xin and all the other gods and major demons look, like, 25. Also the first time she met Xie Lian in Ghost City she tried to get him to hire her as a prostitute, I don't think she knew who he was at that point :(
There is another wave of demonic energy from Mount Tonglu (which is being translated as "the arousal of demons" and... ok, it does seem to have that literal effect on Hua Cheng but I'm not calling it that)
Jian Lan takes advantage of this distraction to call Cuo Cuo into her arms and escape, shouting at Feng Xin not to follow. I think Green Goblin escaped with Gu Zi, too :(
Feng Xin is collapsed on the ground, weak from bloodloss, his arm a bloody tatters and his face scratched to hell.
Xie Lian: Are you...ok?
Feng Xin: >:( *punches tree in half*
Hua Cheng: Who turned your wife and son into ghosts? If you've got fire burn the right person.
Feng Xin: *glares darkly at Fu Yao, aka Ming Yi, who Cuo Cuo accused of turning it into a ghost*
Fu Yao: Hey I-I MEAN MY GENERAL- had nothing to do with it!
Feng Xin: *glares darkly at everyone and stumbles away, ignoring all entreaties to stay*
Xie Lian sighs and lets Ming Yi go to chase after Jian Lan and Cuo Cuo. Everything's such a mess, relying on Heaven to sort things out might not be the best idea right now.
Xie Lian: I feel like someone is behind the scenes trying to frame your general.
Ming Yi: Who cares. It's going to Mount Tonglu, I'll figure all that out after I catch it.
Xie Lian sighs again, makes sure none of the cultivators are too badly hurt under the rubble, and leaves with Hua Cheng towards a non-demonic inn.
Hua Cheng: None of this has anything to do with you.
Xie Lian: I think it does. Feng Xin must have befriended Jian Lan during my first banishment. I've never told you about it have I? I've never told anyone...
His one remaining vassal was Feng Xin. Xie Lian got Feng Xin to pawn off all of what was left of Xie Lian's fancy possessions, but told him to keep some money for himself. Not just out of loyalty, but out of fear: what if Feng Xin abandoned him too?
Xie Lian never asked Feng Xin about his personal life, still unconsciously assuming his vassal's life would revolve The Great Crown Prince And God.
Xie Lian: Did I make Feng Xin lose the girl he loved by making him so poor?
Hua Cheng: If he liked her but they separated, then what they had was only 'like'.
There is some GRATUITOUS SHOTA FANSERVICE ending in them lying next to each other in bed laughing.
And then they both suddenly sense something wrong. There is a pot of tea on the table and a figure standing in the room. Xie Lian feels a chill go down his spine.
Jun Wu: Don't be afraid. Tea, XianLe?
...yeah, I am pretty sure I'd figured out he was evil by this point. As a reminder, Jun Wu is the Emperor of Heaven, and Xian Le is the name of the long fallen kingdom Xie Lian was Crown Prince of.
Xie Lian: OH HELLO MY LORD. *shoves blanket over the demon king child he is in bed with* WHAT A SURPRISE.
Jun Wu: *calmly pours three cups of tea, and then reaches for his sword*
Xie Lian: UM. HEY ISN'T THIS CHILD ADORABLE? IT'S LIKE-
Jun Wu: Like if you had a son, yes :) It's not the first time I've met your excellency, but certainly the first at such close range. Xie Lian, leave your little friend for now and come talk with me outside.
Hua Cheng: There's no need, even little country bumpkin ghosts know what a mess you're in right now :)
How Mount Tonglu works is that ghosts gather over a region the size of seven city-states, and fight their way to the Kiln at the center. The weaker ones die at the edges, and only an especially strong few make it into the Kiln. A strong enough ghost will become even stronger within. But if they're not strong enough, they will be destroyed.
With so many gods exiled/dead/injured etc right now, it's been impossible to prevent the influx of ghosts to mount Tonglu. Xie Lian would volunteer to help if it was a simple fight, but they need a general to lead an army, and he knows he is no good at that.
The only remaining solution is to send a god in under cover to find and kill the strongest ghosts before they can get to the kiln, then leave the weaker ones to fight it out and eventually perish.
Hua Cheng: It's suicide. I suggest you who came up with the plan go yourself.
Jun Wu: That's the plan :)
Xie Lian: The sky will literally fall without you.
Jun Wu, clenching his fists: Once you're used to it you'll find that whoever is lost, life always goes on. There is always new to replace the old. It's nothing if we just get another Crimson Rain Sought Flower (Hua Cheng) or Ship Sinking Black Water, but if it's another White Clothed Calamity the world really will fall into chaos. You've seen with your own eyes how difficult it was to kill a Supreme like him. There's no other way.
Hua Cheng: Who says?
The next day Xie Lian and Hua Cheng began their journey to Mount TongLu.
Hua Cheng: The next time Jun Wu comes towards you, turn around and run away. Every time he comes looking for you it's something bad.
Xian Le: This wasn't the job he assigned me.
Hua Cheng: Helping manage the heavens is just as bad. It's like choosing between a sword or a knife to commit suicide.
Xie Lian quietly thinks that Hua Cheng volunteered to help because he knew Xie Lian would MUCH rather be locked in a kiln murdering demons than have to do human resources management. Hua Cheng reassures him that killing off the new Ghost King is pretty appealing on it's own merits...also he got Jun Wu to agree to form a god-exclusion-zone around Ghost City and for odes to the heroic deeds of Hua Cheng to be announced in Heaven for a year.
They see crowds of demons cheerfully singing about the glory they will find in the Kiln, milling around in front of a mountain blocking the road to Mount Tonglu. Hua Cheng says it's common for groups of friends to plan to work together, but it always ends in betrayal and death by the end.
Hua Cheng pulls Xie Lian close and touches their foreheads together to cover Xie Lian in his demonic scent. But one of the demons shouts that HE SMELLS A HEAVENLY OFFICIAL and that everyone wearing cloaks or masks should remove them. And the first one he points to is...Xie Lian.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: I'm the Demon of Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade, the blade of the executioner!! So what are you?!
Xie Lian, silently: What an edgelord, I could kill three of him with one blow.
Xie Lian: I'm a puppet master. I work with human bodies, so I smell of them a little. This child here is my puppet.
Hua Cheng: :|
Female demons: OOH SO LIFELIKE. Can you make me one?
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: You look more like a human dyed with evil to me. Luckily I have a way to tell! I stole some minor talismans from some cultivators I murdered, they won't hurt but can prove we're truly evil. See? *puts talisman on his forehead, where it burns into a small puff of smoke*
Xie Lian: Uh.
Hua Cheng: Lol, you hicks believed he was the real puppet master?! *lets his demonic aura show*
Demons: Wait, if he's the puppet master what kind are you?
Xie Lian: The kind that belongs to him :) Master thought this would be amusing.
Female demons: OOH OK I WANT ONE OF THESE MORE. *reaching for Xie Lian* This is real human skin, right? Does he have any meat on him once you take off those clothes? He seems nice ;)
Hua Cheng, magically repelling them: His temper is nice but mine is bad. No one shall touch what I love except for me.
Xie Lian, having a ball: Master's temper is very nice too ;D
Hua Cheng, likewise: :D
The last cloaked demon is hassled into revealing his face...which is so aggressively bland and forgettable that Xie Lian and Hua Cheng agree it must be a fake.
Just as the demons are hassling Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade for freaking out over nothing, he collapses to the ground, stabbed by...a heavenly weapon!!
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US!! QUICK, USE MY TALISMANS!!
Xie Lian: Why do you have...so many talismans...
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: NOT IMPORTANT
So most of the four hundred demons waiting at the mountain put talismans on their heads. Nothing happens...and then Hua Cheng warns "Crouch down" and ALL FOUR HUNDRED HEADS EXPLODE.
Looking at the tattered remains of a talisman floating down over the dead and injured demons, Xie Lian realises it is a powerful spell with a minor talisman stuck over the top.
Demons: DIDN'T WE AGREE TO ALL BE FRIENDS UNTIL MOUNT TONGLU??
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: The faster idiots like you are done in the better!
Demons: Is it too late to go home? :(
But then they all realise the mountain that was in front of them...is now behind them, blocking the way out.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: As for you, puppet, let's see what you're really made-*is cut in half by the cloaked man*
Cloaked man, sheathing his sword and putting his arms around two especially hot female demons who escaped the blast: Are you ladies alright?
Lady demons: Ew!! Go away!
Cloaked man: Hey this face isn't that bad :(
Xie Lian: Hello Pei Ming :/
Pei Ming: Sup. Jun Wu sent me. And omg is this Hua Cheng? What did you eat to grow backwards? :D
Hua Cheng: It's a fake. Kill it.
Pei Ming: I'm the real deal! I've just been eating ghost essence candy I bought in Ghost City!
Hua Cheng: They're bad for you, and make you smell revolting to other ghosts :)
Pei Ming, realising they ruin his chances with hot lady ghosts: FINE *throws candy away*
Xie Lian thinks about how lady demons seem to like Hua Cheng's smell, and how if he wants to pass as evil he may have to...ingest Hua Cheng's bodily fluids...
Xie Lian looks at the surviving demons, groaning and injured on the ground. "Do you understand what kind of place Mount Tonglu is now? If you don't want to run into even scarier things, wait here to find a chance to leave."
The demons help each other get up and escape.
Pei Ming: That Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade was unexpectedly impressive, the way he took advantage of you striking him.
Xie Lian: I thought that was you D: OH NO WHERE DID THE BODY GO??
Hua Cheng: Gege, be careful. Within Mount Tonglu, the more opponents killed, the stronger the slayer. And he just killed several hundred demons.
Xie Lian sees the dark woods ahead of them, and instinctively reaches for Hua Cheng's hand. It's hot: Hua Cheng is about to return to his true form, but he'll be weak during the transitional period.
Xie Lian goes to create a protective array using his sword's magic. Hua Cheng's now child sized scimitar E-Ming wants to help and Hua Cheng is VERY MEAN TO IT FOR NO REASON and then falls into unconsciousness.
Pei Ming: Who knew we'd bump into such an impressive character from the start. Your Highness really does have the best luck.
Hua Cheng: Maybe he was coming after you.
Pei Ming: Lol, if it was a woman, maybe.
And then a scratch appears on his face. Xie Lian senses no killing intent aimed towards himself. It really is coming for General Pei.
Pei Ming manages to bring down the invisible Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade, who appears under his boot, sneers, and then reaches up and snaps his blade.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: I can't believe you'd use such a trashy sword!
Even though he's still cut in half, Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade is able to move adeptly as just an upper torso and dodge all of Pei Ming's attacks, as if he already knows them. Eventually, Pei Ming reluctantly retreats to Xie Lian's protective array.
Xie Lian: What about your spiritual device?
Pei Ming: I don't have one. That's just a sword I picked up nearby.
Swift Life-Extinguishing Blade: Because his most agreeable sword no longer exists!
Pei Ming: Ming...Guang?!
It's the spirit of Pei Ming's sword from when he was mortal! Apparently he snapped it in half just before ascending to godhood, but he refuses to explain why.
They sit inside the array hoping Xie Lian's sword's magic can hold against Ming Guang. But then a large, dark skinned man appears. *tenses*
(This is around the point I got to before and then stopped for six months)
Ming Guang: Help me break this array and I'll split the heads inside with you!
But the man doesn't understand Ming Guang's dialect and gets offended about being yelled at...and then suddenly recognises Xie Lian!
It's General Kei Mo! A character from one of the "side stories" in Book One I didn't summarise! I KNEW THAT WOULD COME BACK TO BITE ME EVENTUALLY.
Kei Mo was general of a different long extinct country, I think called BanYue, which had a tragic civil war. Pei Ming's descendent Pei Su was revealed to have been complicit in some shady business involving the priestess (also called Ban Yue) that I've forgotten the details of. I think Ban Yue was like...a less privileged version of Xie Lian, who went from downtrodden ethnic minority to head priestess, with Kei Mo her loyal general, but then she got manipulated into betraying them by Pei Su?? Or something??? And then Kei Mo and his men were trapped as angry spirits murdering passing travellers until Xie Lian broke the curse, leading to Pei Su being banished from Heaven after and Pei Ming attempted to murder Ban Yue as the only witness. I AM PROBABLY REMEMBERING IT WRONG.
EDIT:
skygiants wrote a much more accurate summary.Anyway, Kei Mo hates Xie Lian AND the whole Pei family, so starts kicking at Xie Lian's sword.
Xie Lian: Quick, do this gesture, it's how his people ask for truce!
Pei Ming: That's not going to-
Ming Guang: *does the gesture before they can*
Kei Mo: *knocks Ming Guang flying*
It was actually an insult along the lines of "fuck your wife", lol. Kei Mo beats the crap out of Ming Guang for a while but Ming Guang eventually manages to get across "Those guys are our mutual enemies" and the two of them team up. Oh no!
Xie Lian: PEI SU! BAN YUE!! KEI MO IS HERE, RUN AWAY!!
Kei Mo: OH NO YOU DON'T! *runs to find his enemies who are not actually there*
Ming Guang: omg you dumbass
Ming Guang is about to start attacking again by himself when Pei Ming brings out his secret weapon...MING GUANG'S LOWER HALF!!
He and Xie Lian bicker over who should threaten to punch him in the balls...and then the lower half starts kicking them! And then turns into a literal sword!!
There is a very silly sequence where Hua Cheng's scimitar gets longer when it's praised or kissed by Xie Lian. Pei Ming immediately realises it's a dick thing and runs with it, Xie Lian is very confused. I guess if The Scimitar Is His Penis then Hua Cheng calling it useless trash is more...weird and sad than mean? I am just... going to assume Xie Lian's sentient bandage isn't a metaphor for anything...
ANYWAY. It's no good, the array collapses and Kei Mo comes back, even angrier.
Kei Mo: YOU LIED!
Xie Lian: No I didn't.
Ban Yue: *Appears and starts throwing scorpion snakes at Kei Mo*
Pei Su: *Also appears*
OK. SURE.
I have trouble following what happens after that, but Xie Lian wonders if kissing Hua Cheng would help him too, so kisses him on the forehead.
Pei Ming: Kiss his mouth, dumbass
Xie Lian: STOP WATCHING
Ban Yue tidily defeats Kei Mo and Ming Guang and traps them in clay pots.
Pei Su explains what he's been doing since Book 1: After being banished, he decided to hassle Green Goblin, but being mortal now nearly got killed for his trouble. The Rain Master (a quiet god of farmers who shows up from time to time being helpful) found and helped him. Pei Su was very surprised: The Rain Master was the last ruler of YuShi, a country that got flattened by Pei Su's army from XuLi, and has always blatantly hated the Peis.
Pei Su started working for the Rain Master with Ban Yue, and they'd been nearby defending YuShi farmers from demons on their way to Mount TongLu. When they heard Xie Lian calling their names they decided to investigate. SURE.
Pei Ming: Do me proud here and I may be able to get you back into Heaven!
Ming Guang: SO YOU THROW AWAY ALL YOUR LOYAL SUBORDINATE'S LIVES BUT SAVE YOUR LITTLE PEI AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S DONE?!
Pei Ming: Wait. You're not Ming Guang at all, are you? You're my old deputy general, Rong Guang!
Ming Guang: ....no. I'm nothing but a sword.
Back when Pei Ming was a successful human general, Rong Guang was his loyal bff, hence the name of Pei Ming's sword. Pei Ming did the fighting and Rong Guang did the sneaky plotting. And when Pei Ming wasn't ambitious enough for Rong Guang, he sneakily plotted with Pei Ming's underlings to depose the king of XuLi and put Pei Ming in his place. By the time Pei Ming found out it was too late to stop it.
So he took his sword, Ming Guang, and killed all his followers. And then he broke the sword, and ascended to Heaven.
Ban Yue seals and puts away the two pots and everyone walks further into the forest. She and Pei Su are looking for the Rain Master, who they worry will get hurt since he's not a martial god, though he does have a protective steed.
Xie Lian worries about the still unconscious Hua Cheng and it's only when Ban Yue points out that "Pei Su gege is mortal and needs to rest" that Xie Lian remembers that he also needs to eat and sleep.
Pei Su hunts down a chicken and gives it to Ban Yue but she doesn't know how to cook.
Pei Ming: What kind of woman are you? Can't cook, never wear makeup, fighting all day!
Ban Yue, the ancient immortal ghost priestess who just saved their asses: ...
Xie Lian "teaches" Ban Yue to cook, which goes about as well as you'd expect, and since Pei Ming also can't cook he thinks it all looks fine, even when Ban Yue adds POISONOUS SCORPION SNAKES.
Pei Ming: I have a question I've always wanted to ask, but since we weren't acquainted it wasn't appropriate. Why didn't you ask Jun Wu to remove your cursed shackles after you ascended back to heaven?
Xie Lian thinks about how he and Pei Ming have known each other for centuries, but Xie Lian always dismissed him as an ill-minded womaniser.
Xie Lian: Well. Can I ask why you've never reforged a sword as a spiritual device after snapping Ming Guang?
Pei Ming: What an unpleasant question.
Xie Lian: Exactly.
And then Hua Cheng wakes up! He looks like a teenager now, too.
Hua Cheng: I sense something coming towards us from the east!
Pei Su: I heard hundreds of ghosts coming towards us from the west!
Xie Lian: Let's go...West!
They travel the western road, expecting at any moment to be overwhelmed by hundreds of ghosts, but see nothing...until they reach a corpse strewn battlefield. The ghosts were running away, and whatever it was they were running from got them.
They find one survivor, a terrified chattering skull who says they were all killed by a young man clad in black. And they had only come West to avoid an even more terrifying young man clad in white to the East. Both have killed thousands.
Xie Lian: ...I guess we keep going West.
Ban Yue and Xie Lian proudly present their burned horrifying abomination of a meal to the others. Hua Cheng cheerfully eats some.
Pei Ming: It's made for you, Pei Su, eat up! STOP FALLING OVER YOU WEAKLING.
Xie Lian wonders why they keep coming across abandoned houses and roads, surely no human can survive out here. Hua Cheng explains that thousands of years before even XianLe there was a human kingdom here, WuYong. And since Mount Tonglu only exists for a short while every few hundred years, the houses remain intact.
Xie Lian: Wait...my master, the Guoshi of XianLe, told me about WuYong! He said the kingdom had a noble crown prince who was beloved by all and never forgotten.
Guoshi: You should try to be like him.
Young Xie Lian: How come I've never heard of him then? If he was that great he'd have become a god. That's what I'm going to do!
Guoshi: ...go copy the ethics sutras a hundred times >:/
...is Guoshi the crown prince of WuYong and also Jun Wu? CALLING IT NOW.
Pei Ming: Sounds like that Guoshi knew a lot. What happened to him?
Xie Lian: After XianLe fell I...lost track of a lot of people...
Pei Su, crawling through the mud, still delirious from dinner: *gesturing to tracks in the mud* This, is...m, arks left behind by L, ord Rain Master's Protection St, eed....
Ban Yue: Pei Su gege, your commas are all over the place (ACTUAL CANON QUOTE)
Hua Cheng: The Rain Master has run into the black clad man, and fought a battle.
AND NOW I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!! Oooh.
Also I kinda want to ship Ban Yue and Pei Su but can't remember exactly what he did to her before and if it's too awful for me to forgive. I mean I guess she seems to have forgiven him. Also PROBABLY GOING TO DIE TRAGICALLY ANYWAY.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-11 10:15 pm (UTC)- Ban Yue and Pei Su were childhood friends growing up in the middle of the war; she was a mixed-race orphan and he was the only one who was nice to her
- Ban Yue eventually went back to the other side from the one Pei Su was on, which is where she befriended the other general, who supported her rise to prominence
- but then she found out that her side was planning to do some kind of terrible war crime -- maybe blow themselves up and take everyone else with them? -- which is why she collaborated with Pei Su to let him into the city
- (that whole war seems to have been a lot of Crimes On All Sides, War Is Bad, Who Can Say Who Is Right)
- but the other general -- Kei Mo -- is absolutely convinced that she was a traitor all along, rather than just when she found out about the war crime, and also that it's Pei Su's fault
- anyway after they all died the ghost of Kei Mo's angry soldiers kept chasing and attack the ghost of Ban Yue, so Pei Su started feeding them other people to chase and attack instead, hoping that they would all eventually chill and move on
- so, you know, lots of murder, but specifically in regards to Ban Yue, Pei Su's always been well-intentioned and sweet! kudos to you, Little Pei
no subject
Date: 2019-11-14 09:23 am (UTC)Thank you!! That has made me feel much less conflicted going forward :)