Latest State of the Me
Aug. 4th, 2009 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alias_sqbrA couple of people have expressed concern/confusion due to my lack of health updates, so a summary.
Physically, I am much the same as I was at the end of last year. I got a bit worse after working earlier this year but seem to be settling back.
I'm in a very different psychological place, though, and that make a remarkable amount of difference. The last year has been a slow incredibly painful process of coming to terms with giving up my career and my old life and getting my head around how sick I am.
Last year I was "taking a break" from work. Then I was trying to work again. And then I was recovering from that. So it's only in the last few months that I've been in a place of "This is it. This is my life as it is going to be for the forseeable future". Which is why I've been trying to start doing things: seeing people, creating stuff, and dealing with our finances.
Which are not in a fantastic state since I and Cam(*) have been too busy being incredibly depressed and in denial to really shift properly into "We only have one income now" spending but hopefully we can work it out. (For those who haven't encountered this, I tend to freak out about money, which is why I decided to just not think about it while I was busy freaking out about my health. So me freaking out now is actually a good thing. I guess)
There's no indication that I'll get any better. I might, but I might get worse. So I'm inclined to just accept that this is it, though I do intend to make the odd effort to see if I can improve things when a possibility comes along. It's hard to explain how incredibly tiring it is to try a "cure" and have it fail, and my energy is limited.
I feel fairly happy most of the time, except when I think about it for more than five minutes at which point I become mired in despair. On the plus side, this used to take about 30 seconds. Still, it's all pretty depressing which is why I don't talk about it much. Not that respressing it is particularly healthy, which is another reason for this post.
(*)EDIT: And it's important to note how unpleasant this has all been for Cam too. Luckily our relationship has weathered the stress and he's been very supportive but me being stuck home, unable to work or go out and in constant pain is not conducive to happy fun times for anyone.
Well, that was fun. I may go watch some telly to try and cheer myself up. Note: I can get really weird about anything resembling affection or pity, and am fine with people not commenting if they can't think of anything to say (though you can comment if you want). This is a PSA not a request for hugs (I don't like hugs).
Physically, I am much the same as I was at the end of last year. I got a bit worse after working earlier this year but seem to be settling back.
I'm in a very different psychological place, though, and that make a remarkable amount of difference. The last year has been a slow incredibly painful process of coming to terms with giving up my career and my old life and getting my head around how sick I am.
Last year I was "taking a break" from work. Then I was trying to work again. And then I was recovering from that. So it's only in the last few months that I've been in a place of "This is it. This is my life as it is going to be for the forseeable future". Which is why I've been trying to start doing things: seeing people, creating stuff, and dealing with our finances.
Which are not in a fantastic state since I and Cam(*) have been too busy being incredibly depressed and in denial to really shift properly into "We only have one income now" spending but hopefully we can work it out. (For those who haven't encountered this, I tend to freak out about money, which is why I decided to just not think about it while I was busy freaking out about my health. So me freaking out now is actually a good thing. I guess)
There's no indication that I'll get any better. I might, but I might get worse. So I'm inclined to just accept that this is it, though I do intend to make the odd effort to see if I can improve things when a possibility comes along. It's hard to explain how incredibly tiring it is to try a "cure" and have it fail, and my energy is limited.
I feel fairly happy most of the time, except when I think about it for more than five minutes at which point I become mired in despair. On the plus side, this used to take about 30 seconds. Still, it's all pretty depressing which is why I don't talk about it much. Not that respressing it is particularly healthy, which is another reason for this post.
(*)EDIT: And it's important to note how unpleasant this has all been for Cam too. Luckily our relationship has weathered the stress and he's been very supportive but me being stuck home, unable to work or go out and in constant pain is not conducive to happy fun times for anyone.
Well, that was fun. I may go watch some telly to try and cheer myself up. Note: I can get really weird about anything resembling affection or pity, and am fine with people not commenting if they can't think of anything to say (though you can comment if you want). This is a PSA not a request for hugs (I don't like hugs).
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 04:07 pm (UTC)Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-04 04:55 pm (UTC)People who try to hug me get their feet run over; how about a trans-Pacific air-high-five?
Re: Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-05 03:53 am (UTC)Yeah. "What do you do?" is hard, especially since in I'm still on the books at my job as being on "extended unpaid medical leave" (My managers know I probably won't come back, but are going to let me keep the option as long as is possible) Though I guess I can say I design t-shirts for a living :)
Re: Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-05 05:49 am (UTC)"As little as possible" is as accurate as possible, I reckon; I should start trying that one.
Re: Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-06 06:30 am (UTC)Re: Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-06 06:59 am (UTC)Re: Yeah, it sucks
Date: 2009-08-07 05:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 12:18 pm (UTC)My sister has been having symptoms I think may be due to Chronic Fatigue. The doctors have checked The Obvious Things which would explain her being tired, but she is overwhelmingly tired at least 70% of the time, and today she broke down crying because she was so tired and bored because she couldn't keep her head up to do anything.
I'm basically looking for a recommendation of any good doctor you have who might be able to see if this is anything else but isn't going to rule out the possibility of Chronic Fatigue.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 12:38 pm (UTC)Send me a pm with your email address and I'll send you a scan of a list of good doctors I got from the CFS society. (She could join herself but it costs $25 and they're VERY SLOW)
My doctor (the first one on the list near my house :)) is Alexander Nuttal of the Burgess St clinic in Midland. He's a bit new age-ish but pretty good, his number is 9250 6977