The Bread Paradox

I have several choices for eating bread and they all make me feel sick in different ways, it's very annoying.

They are:

• Don't eat bread. I get intense bread cravings (bizarre but true)
  
• Make my own rye bread. All the cooking and cleaning uses up too many spoons.
  
• Eat crappy commercial rye bread. The soy flour sets off my intolerances.
  
• Eat good quality rye bread, get reflux from the sourness.
  
• Eat any other sort of non-white bread, get indigestion (This makes no sense! I can eat vitabrits but not wholemeal bread??)
  
• Eat white bread, have body complain at oversimplicity of the carbohydrates.
  

So I alternate and grumble :/