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alias_sqbrHELLO ALL. I am feeling chatty but too sore and stupid to maintain a conversation/reply to comments, so have a random life update!
Hmm, of course I am also too tired to remember what's been happening in my life. Not much really. Playing a lot of computer games, mostly, and thinking about writing original games but not actually doing so.
My pain and fatigue levels have been consistently high for A While. I felt VERY bad after my colonoscopy in August and then felt better for a bit and did a bunch of stuff, and now feel bad again, so am hoping it's just a hangover from overdoing it and things will cycle up again.
One advantage of feeling so crappy is feeling like I have an excuse to ignore the political/global situation ahahaha ANYWAY MOVING ON.
Dracula was annoying and depressing me so I am taking a break but mean to get back to it.
My 39th birthday is coming up! I am pretty sanguine about it, and like all the threes 39 has going on. I haven't had many OH GOD FORTY IS NEXT moments yet but imagine I will, but am also kind of looking forward to seeing like...what lies over that horizon. (Yes, I know it's just a number, I'm an ex-mathematician, nothing is 'just' a number ;))
Also coming up: the anniversary of me and Pia/moonvoice getting together! It's been a pretty amazing year, and they're a pretty amazing person <3 They've been dealing with a lot of Heavy Shit: like, one reason I got up the courage to ask them out after only *cough* five years of vacillating was the plausible possibility of us both secretly pining for each other and them dying of brain cancer before either of us spoke up. But I did ask them out and their tumours are currently quiescent and I am hoping they have a better time of things next year.
And early next year is the twenty year anniversary of me and Cam getting together!! (This year was the ten year anniversary of us getting married but we don't care about that as much) Cam is also an amazing person and I can't imagine what my life would have looked like without them. Even after all this time I have to stop and marvel at how happy they make me and how amazing it is to have such a great relationship stay great for so long. We've helped each other grow from adolescents to adults and it's been a wonderful journey together as a team. Their life has had its ups and downs this year but not been super dramatic, but they have grown an increasingly dramatic beard. Sadly it no longer has the neat white stripes since like me they're going grey in general.
I was thinking last night about how much both Cam and Pia have helped me like...see myself as loveable and feel supported and loved and figure out how to set boundaries and communicate and STUFF. How did I end up with TWO such great people?? Who are cool with me see-sawing between affectionate and distant, and never knowing what my emotions are? And needing to rest 90% of the time? Like way back when I made the OK Cupid account that introduced me to Pia (yes we met on a dating site but were still both too self doubting to say anything for years, shush) at some point I had my profile say something like "I am asexual and chronically ill, message me if you like the idea of me cheerfully rambling to you and then falling asleep on your shoulder" and then removed it thinking "Noone will want that, come on". But that is exactly what my dates with Pia consist of, and when I mentioned this to them they said "But I love people falling asleep on my shoulder". SO PERFECT :D :D (This is not the only reason they are perfect)
And like...the dynamic works in part because we're all poly and offer different things to each other, as do their other partners and their partners' partners etc.
Hmmmmmmm what else. My family continues to truck on being...my family. Our cat Kira is getting old but still seems to be pretty happy (in her own grumpy way), she's just less enthusiastic about jumping than she used to be.
I'm liking being Sean and have had pretty good responses from people about the name and pronouns. I went to a "girls" clothes swap a little while ago and everyone was lovely about it and even like...checked what sort of presentation I am interested in (answer: mostly masculine but also just...comfortable and easy because I am sleepy)
Oh! Cam and I are thinking of not going to Swancon next year, just to see if we prefer spending the money and energy on other things.
HmmmMMMmmmm that's all I can think of. I think I may post this and go back to sleep.
Hmm, of course I am also too tired to remember what's been happening in my life. Not much really. Playing a lot of computer games, mostly, and thinking about writing original games but not actually doing so.
My pain and fatigue levels have been consistently high for A While. I felt VERY bad after my colonoscopy in August and then felt better for a bit and did a bunch of stuff, and now feel bad again, so am hoping it's just a hangover from overdoing it and things will cycle up again.
One advantage of feeling so crappy is feeling like I have an excuse to ignore the political/global situation ahahaha ANYWAY MOVING ON.
Dracula was annoying and depressing me so I am taking a break but mean to get back to it.
My 39th birthday is coming up! I am pretty sanguine about it, and like all the threes 39 has going on. I haven't had many OH GOD FORTY IS NEXT moments yet but imagine I will, but am also kind of looking forward to seeing like...what lies over that horizon. (Yes, I know it's just a number, I'm an ex-mathematician, nothing is 'just' a number ;))
Also coming up: the anniversary of me and Pia/
moonvoice getting together! It's been a pretty amazing year, and they're a pretty amazing person <3 They've been dealing with a lot of Heavy Shit: like, one reason I got up the courage to ask them out after only *cough* five years of vacillating was the plausible possibility of us both secretly pining for each other and them dying of brain cancer before either of us spoke up. But I did ask them out and their tumours are currently quiescent and I am hoping they have a better time of things next year. And early next year is the twenty year anniversary of me and Cam getting together!! (This year was the ten year anniversary of us getting married but we don't care about that as much) Cam is also an amazing person and I can't imagine what my life would have looked like without them. Even after all this time I have to stop and marvel at how happy they make me and how amazing it is to have such a great relationship stay great for so long. We've helped each other grow from adolescents to adults and it's been a wonderful journey together as a team. Their life has had its ups and downs this year but not been super dramatic, but they have grown an increasingly dramatic beard. Sadly it no longer has the neat white stripes since like me they're going grey in general.
I was thinking last night about how much both Cam and Pia have helped me like...see myself as loveable and feel supported and loved and figure out how to set boundaries and communicate and STUFF. How did I end up with TWO such great people?? Who are cool with me see-sawing between affectionate and distant, and never knowing what my emotions are? And needing to rest 90% of the time? Like way back when I made the OK Cupid account that introduced me to Pia (yes we met on a dating site but were still both too self doubting to say anything for years, shush) at some point I had my profile say something like "I am asexual and chronically ill, message me if you like the idea of me cheerfully rambling to you and then falling asleep on your shoulder" and then removed it thinking "Noone will want that, come on". But that is exactly what my dates with Pia consist of, and when I mentioned this to them they said "But I love people falling asleep on my shoulder". SO PERFECT :D :D (This is not the only reason they are perfect)
And like...the dynamic works in part because we're all poly and offer different things to each other, as do their other partners and their partners' partners etc.
Hmmmmmmm what else. My family continues to truck on being...my family. Our cat Kira is getting old but still seems to be pretty happy (in her own grumpy way), she's just less enthusiastic about jumping than she used to be.
I'm liking being Sean and have had pretty good responses from people about the name and pronouns. I went to a "girls" clothes swap a little while ago and everyone was lovely about it and even like...checked what sort of presentation I am interested in (answer: mostly masculine but also just...comfortable and easy because I am sleepy)
Oh! Cam and I are thinking of not going to Swancon next year, just to see if we prefer spending the money and energy on other things.
HmmmMMMmmmm that's all I can think of. I think I may post this and go back to sleep.
