alias_sqbr

Thanks for linking me here from AO3. Maybe this will inspire me to start using Dreamwidth now. I also friended you from my livejournal, which I haven't used much since 2013, but has some old meta you might find interesting. And wow you have a lot of things here I'd like to comment on, but I'll need to pace myself. :)

Going through all the different routes, I was always waiting for the One Where Kaoru is Good and kept being disappointed. But why shouldn't there be one, since other characters get to be different degrees of good or bad depending on the route.

I must admit, I sort of ignored the Sanan/Chizuru age gap in canon, because of the way I felt encouraged to self-insert on Chizuru and, ok Sanan is lots older than her but he's still younger than *me*. Also I tend to give Chizuru different backstories and even different ages in the different routes to go with her different personalities. I felt the age difference a lot more in your fic. But it's also interesting how the meaning of age gaps change a lot based on gender. A young woman with an older man is, like it is in your fic, just what the patriarchy wants. A young man with an older man references a certain set of narrative tropes that Kaoru points out in the fic that he specifically doesn't want. A young man with an older woman - an older infertile woman, yet - feels almost unimaginable, like, why would a man even want that? And if a man does want that, what reason could there be for it other than wanting to take advantage of the older woman's presumed sexual experience? As you wrote so painfully and well. A young man with an older nonbinary person...it's a new thing, that they get to figure out for themselves. Which is really fun to watch.

I'm married to a younger man and it was really powerful how you 'got' some of what was difficult about the beginning of that relationship - how hard it was for either of us to believe that this was more than a 'practice' relationship for him, that it was real love. That's part of why I reacted to that first scene where Kaoru tries to have sex with Sanan so strongly. My previous relationship was with an older man, and it was so interesting how people reacted differently to the two dynamics. When I was with an older man, people just took for granted that the age difference shouldn't matter if I love him. When I was with a younger man, everyone assumed that I was teaching him how to have relationships and that he would move on. It was really interesting to watch the Kaoru/Sanan dynamic go back and forth between the two.

I think I need to disagree about Chizuru not pushing back on Sanan in canon? I think I'm literally the only person in fandom who loved that route and found it a beautiful romance, although like I said I didn't much like the last act in the castle where they're not working together. But I do think she pushes back on him, she just does it by asking questions and saying she wants to understand, which is her way of calling him on stuff while still affirming him. But he responds well to that and it does sometimes make it change his behavior, like when he changes his mind about giving the Water of Life to Okita. Having said that, I also *loved* the more confrontational dynamic you gave Sanan with Kaoru.

it was really cathartic writing Kaoru facing all the sexist and reproduction related crap Chizuru does in canon and having him be his violent nasty self in response.

So cathartic! Also cathartic: Watching Sanan basically defeat the *entire concept of gender* with their mighty samurai warrior skills. Talk about a worthy opponent for a brave samurai.

Ok I need to get to work...but so much to read and respond to here. I'll be back when I can.

one commenter left really lovely heartfelt comments *blushes* Thank you!