alias_sqbr | Australia: The Movie (the game)

So, Baz Lurhman is making a new movie called "Australia". It's apparently an epic story with a huge budget and superstar cast about a stockman (Hugh Jackman) and (I kid you not) and english lady (Nicole Kidman) running a cattle station during World War Two.

I and Cam got into a discussion about the particular variety of terrible it was likely to be and started making predictions. I thought it'd be fun to get other people to do the same, then when it comes out we can see how right/wrong we were. Join in!

The Lady will be strong willed and feisty.. yet fragile
The Stockman will be tough and no-nonsense.. yet gentle and with a passionate heart
There will be a scene where she tries to dosomething with a cow (like milking) and fails utterly. He will laugh, and then help her.
There will be a mean banker trying to repossess the property (since confirmed by further reading on wikipedia)
There will be an arrogant city person who thinks they know better than the simple country folk who will be proven wrong (probably either the banker or the Lady)
There will be little to no resemblance to actual cattle farming, country life, real history etc
The epic timescale will leave no time for complex or interesting plots, so there'll just be lots of contrived melodrama
There will be a quirky Token Aboriginal Australian who will be mistreated by the Bad Guys but be treated with anachronistically modern respect and decency by the Good Guys. (on further reading: a token magical aboriginal australian. Who sings)
There will be a sad moment as we reflect on how badly aboriginal people are treated, but overall the whole thing will be ignored
We will have an emotional moment watching a cow either die or be born (or both!)
There will be cardboard cutout Evil Japanese Caricatures
There will be an evil englishman (my theory, Cam disagrees)
It will end with whoever is left alive all old and nostalgic in a bittersweet meditation on loss (also my theory)

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I'll forgive everything else as long as they show us the origins of Wolverine.

Haven't you seen "The Prestige"? :)

Alas no, as much as I am a fan of Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale.

Well, you should! I mean, really, Wolverine versus Batman? With David Bowie as Nicola Tesla??

She'll retain her amazing super good looks, even after working several incredibly tough days/years on the farm. This may or may not be with a dirt streak smudged attractively across her cheek.

Actually this may be under bears little to no resemblance...

Oh but at least it has David Wenham in it, I like him.

And my grandmothers friend (I think the wife of the principal that was brilliant and used to run that school up north till Ravlich pressured him into getting fired/quitting, if that helps) actually wound up looking after the children chosen for that film (I think she was a teacher or teachers assistant near where the kids were being picked) and got flown absolutely everywhere and got to hang around with Nicole Kidman while it was being made. I thought that was cool, though I'll be surprised if anyone else cares, especially as I am too tired to remember the details of it...

That is pretty cool.

Ha, yes :)

(I got nothing)

I am deeply disappointed.

A train wreck... to show that the producers are aware of what they're making. :)

That's rather meta, but maybe :)

We'll be shown just how darn good the stockman is by his breaking in an unbreakable brumby.

Yes!

I'll be very surprised if there isn't a Snowy River horse stampede at some point, too.

Oooh, maybe...I see stampede of cows myself.

Yes, but there'll be horses too. The helicopter shots will show a perfectly flat cattle station, but for some reason a herd of horses will need to be ridden down a steep mountain.

correct.. well, sorta. they herd cows through the town.

it was on the news a while back that the people who live in the town got shitty with all the filming and refused to move their cars out of the main street during filming so many of them got damaged by the cows going through. of course you couldn't see the cars because of the cows, so no actual need to move them (other than the risk of damage) anyway!

Heh. I will watch closely for cars amongst the cows should I ever watch the movie :)

There will be a lot of landscape.

I may watch it just for that reason, and try to ignore the foreground in case I overdose on cheese :)

Yes, we forgot that one, specifically "A lot of helicopter shots of landscape, with the occasional flock of sheep etc running across"

Being a Lurhman film with little opportunity for dancing, singing, or flashy costumes, there will probably be a bar with Can-can girls somewhere.

Ha, probably :)

I note that Jack Thompson is playing an alcoholic accountant - I'd have guessed lawyer, but close enough.

Bryan Brown and David Gulpilil are sort of gimmes - presumably Bruce Spence will be playing a colourful yokel, too.

presumably Bruce Spence will be playing a colourful yokel, too.

It's pretty much guaranteed :)

There will be an Evil Stockman: a racist, sexist, violent pig of some degree or other (cf. Gary Sweet in The Tracker), in a roughly comparable situation to the Stockman, who is used as a device to bluntly characterise the Stockman (the latter is obviously really nice, because the Other Guy Is So Horrible).

There will be a Surprise Alcoholic, or an otherwise Unexpectedly Dependent or Flawed Person. In a position of civic respect: a doctor, lawyer, local politician, judge, or possibly the Banker/City Person, or a priest.

There will be a Crude Colonial Burial with a Heart-Rendingly Makeshift Cross.

I have others, but these I feel are my safest bets.

Yes to all, they are pretty safe bets aren't they?

You know, I think you and

capnoblivious should go into showbusiness, you clearly have a knack for it :)

I have wondered if this film is the result of a bet between Luhrman and someone else as to who can make the most cynical, cliche-ridden mess that people will still pay money to see...

And about halfway through there will be a complete reversal in mood from "madcap" to "bittersweet" as one of the characters dies unexpectedly, probably from a drug overdose.

No, wait, that's a different type of Aussie film...

I was going to say that sounds an awful lot like a certain aussie actor... but then, it's too early to be making those kinds of jokes now isn't it?

Heh. Now that you mention it...

...yeah, probably too early.

Australia: The Movie (the game)

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Not sure this fits but...

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Australia: The Movie (the game) (the post) (the comment)

But..you + stupid=snark! It's a rule of nature!

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my predictions

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